Into the Arms of Strangers
by Zappy Zaps
Summary: An officer who had gone MIA six months earlier is found in an alien order serving on their security force but has no memory of anything prior to six months ago.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Into the Arms of Strangers

Author: Zappy Zaps

Category: Drama/Action/Adventure P, P/T

Summary:  An officer who had gone MIA six months earlier is found in an alien order serving on their security force but has no memory of anything prior to six months ago.  His new life is also plagued with new responsibilities, duties and promises.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: All the Star Trek characters are Paramount's.  I don't own them (yet). ;)

Archiving: Please do, but tell me! zappyzaps@hotmail.com

Author's note: I had to try and amnesia/loss of memory story, just for fun! ;-)

July02/Aug02

Into the Arms of Strangers

            Her quarters were darkened as she tried to settle down and get a few much-needed hours of sleep.  She tossed again in her bed finding it difficult to find a comfortable position, especially with the growing bulge on her front side.        

            She felt her daughter kick, protesting to the constant motion and B'Elanna affectionately rubbed her swollen stomach.  She felt tears sting her eyes as she imagined her husband.

            He'd been so excited when he found out he was going to be a father.  She remembered his smile when he felt his daughter kick his hand and how he made distant plans to teach her how to walk and show her every wonder of the universe from the smallest plant to the brightest star.

            The tears began to trickle down her face.  The pain hadn't seemed to lessen at all but then again she hadn't believed he was dead at first.  They only found a few pieces of the shuttle and at the time B'Elanna had held on to every ounce of hope she had.

            Six months had passed since that fateful day and B'Elanna had gradually been accepting the fact that she would never see her husband, Tom Paris again.  Still there was a place in her mind that didn't believe he was really gone.

            Tom and B'Elanna had seemed to share a sixth sense regarding each other, one that no amount of scientific exploration could explain.  Surely she would have felt it if her love had passed away, surely her heart would have allowed her to move on.

            Voyager's bridge was quiet.  It was the middle of alpha shift and the officers went about their duties.  Captain Janeway was in command of the bridge but she wasn't doing much.  Reading a report as her ship warped through the seemingly endless expanse that was the Delta Quadrant. 

            Boring of the report in her hand, she put it down and listened in on what was happening around her.  Almost complete silence met her ears. She looked around and saw Ensign Wildman talking to one of her subordinates but other than that, nobody spoke. 

            Janeway sighed quietly as not to draw attention to herself.  She looked at the helm where one of her favourite officers and one of her friends used to reside during this shift.   Six months, had it really been that long?  Then why did it still hurt so much?

            "Captain," Chakotay called again.

            "Pardon," Kathryn responded, now realizing that her second in command had been trying to get her attention for the past minute.

            "Are you alright?  You look a little tense," Chakotay observed.

            "So does everybody," Kathryn said glancing around the bridge again.  "What time is it?"

            "About 1300."

            "I'm going to get something to eat." She said standing. "Care to join me?"

            Chakotay nodded and the two officers left Tuvok in command of the bridge.  They nodded to the recently promoted Lieutenant Kim as they left.  

            Harry Kim another person who greatly missed Tom's presence.  The best friend who never let him down and older brother he never had was the role Tom had played in Harry's life since the beginning of their journey.  Somewhat surprisingly Harry had dealt better with Tom's death better than even he had expected.  He had grieved and in a way he still was but Harry had weathered the storm well.  He had stayed strong for his other best friend, B'Elanna Torres, knowing that she would need the most support even if she said she didn't want it.

            The trip to the Mess Hall was made in silence, as both Chakotay and Kathryn were preoccupied with their own thoughts.

            Loosing a member of the crew was never easy but loosing Tom Paris had been one of the most difficult losses the crew had ever suffered.  Many had underestimated his role on the ship.  To some he was a commanding officer to others he was and colleague but to most, he was a friend and for some even more.  Here was a man who had managed to turn his life around only to have it end during a seemingly simple and harmless mission.

            A class three shuttle was taken to investigate a stellar nebula.  It had been Tom's turn to pilot a mission and he had no qualms about it.  At the time he had been on top of the world.  His life had seemed to reach a new climax as he anticipated the birth of his daughter.

            The mission had gone off without a problem until Tom was ready to leave.  In less than three seconds the entire nebulae ignited from some sort of energy discharge resembling weapons fire.

            Those on the bridge and in Astrometrics had watched in horror as the small shuttle was engulfed in flames leaving only pieces behind.

            The investigation only yielded more questions. An inexplicable surge of neutrinos, energy discharge resembling a weapon but not matching any known weapon in Voyager's database, recovery of only an eight of the shuttle fragments; Nothing seemed to add up.  

            After over a week of investigation the crew had to admit to themselves that the pilot and sole occupant of the shuttle, likely did not survive.  Even with Seven's tirless efforts in Astrometrics, she could not find the answers they so desperately wanted.  Tom's death was a harder an acknowledgment than it seemed.  Tom Paris, one person who had cheated death too many times to count had finally run out of luck.

            He was after all only human and thus as mortal as any other person but Tom had always been able to sneak past death and come out of most situations with a few bumps and bruises, but generally in fine condition.  Tom was also a member of the Senior Staff who, to much of the crew, seemed like the indestructible force that held together the crew and forged their way home.

            With Tom's death the harsh reality of the delta quadrant bit at them again –reminding them that anyone could go at anytime; nobody was ever truly safe when there was so much unknown to them out there.

            "Captain, Commander," Neelix greeted as they entered the galley.  The two officers greeted the cook in turn and inquired as to the day's special.  "You're in luck.  Today's special happens to be a Terran dish," Neelix said, almost bubbling over with good cheer.  

            He fished out two bowls from behind the counter and proceeded to serve them the dish.  The red liquid was poured into the bowl and almost instantly Chakotay and Kathryn recognized it.

            "Plain tomato soup," Neelix said with a smile and handed them each a bowl.  The two bridge officers were silent for a few moments.  "Tom's favourite," Neelix added with a ghost of a smile. "I considered adding a little something to it to liven in up but I decided against it.  Sometimes the original is the best."

            "I agree," Janeway said with a smile.   It was nice to be able think of Lt. Paris and smile; there were certainly quite a few things to smile about.  Neelix was rather proud of himself and the crew was enjoying the more ordinary fare.

            Kathryn and Chakotay seated themselves at a table each of them with a smile on their face.  They sat and enjoyed their meal and reminisced about their lost lieutenant.  They recalled the fiascos and more humorous incidents that Tom had caused.  Their break was ended a little early as the ship rocked from a volley of weapons fire.

            The ship went on red alert and all officers reported to battle-stations.

            "Report," Janeway demanded as she stepped onto the bridge.

            Tuvok relinquished the command chair and moved back to his station as he explained what little he knew.  "We are being engaged by three ships which de-cloaked along our path.  They are not responding to hails."

            "Return fire," Janeway ordered and Tuvok complied immediately.  "Lieutenant Kim, try hailing again."

            Voyager pitched again as they sustained a direct hit.

            "They aren't responding," Harry announced.

            "Helm initiate attack pattern Beta-five," Chakotay ordered.  Ensign Pablo Baytart, the new head of the navigational department complied.  Tuvok managed to get a few precision shots and disabled one of the attacking vessels.

            "Shields at seventy-three percent and falling," Harry stated as sparks rained from conduits overloading above them.

            "Captain four ships have just de-cloaked and engaged the enemy," Chakotay announce sounding slightly confused by the turn of events.

            Outside Voyager the four newcomers joined the fight.  Two took escort positions at Voyager port and stern while the other two fended off the attack from the enemy crafts.  The battle was soon over with the victors being Voyager and the four aiding ships.

            "Reports of injuries coming in from decks eleven, seven, four and three.  Damage to secondary power systems and starboard nacelle pylon.  Repair teams are responding," Tuvok reported from his station.

            "We're being hailed." Kim announced. "Audio only."

            "You have violated the boarder of the Fourth Order.  State your purpose," The male voice ordered.

            Captain Janeway began her usually introduction. "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager.  We are on a mission of peaceful exploration and are only trying to make our way home."  The Captain made sure to emphasize 'peaceful' as the other ships still had their weapons charged.

            "If you are not a hostile party then you are welcomed in this area," the voice said and those on the bridge were beginning to notice how familiar the voice was.  "The Ministry officials would no doubt like to make your acquaintance," the man on the other ship said not sounding all that interested.  It seemed the 'Ministry officials' often greet newcomers in their territory. "The Home-world is not that far from here."

            "We sustained some damage to our warp nacelles.  It'll take a few hours to repair," Janeway informed.

            "Understood.  We'll remain here with you.  This is not the most secure area."  The transmission was ended.

            Three and a half hours later the major repairs were finished and Captain Janeway had invited their allies to visit Voyager.  Janeway, Chakotay and Tuvok were waiting in the transporter room for the commanding officres to beam over and though they wouldn't admit it, they were each curious as to the identity of the people on the ships specifically the man they had spoken to earlier.  The more they thought about it the more like Tom the man sounded.

            The officer at the controls informed the senior officers that the transport was in progress and they watch as the swirling blue clouds deposited three men on the pads.  Somewhat disappointingly none of the men resembled Tom, they didn't even look human.

            They had pale skin that contrasted with there dark hair and the eyes were very narrow.  Above there eyes was a cranial structure that became more pronounced as it moved outward towards their temples.  They were about the same size as humans but had a larger build.

            "Welcome to Voyager," Janeway greeted.  The Starfleet officers introduced themselves first.

            "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.  We are Saretti officers of the Fourth Order," one man said.  He appeared to be the leader of the small group but they could tell by the voice that this was not the man they had spoken to earlier.  "I am Fashi, Head of Security," the man introduced himself. "This is Minto, my second in command," he gestured to the man on his right, "and this is Isam, Sub-Commander of the lead vessel."

            Isam nodded to each of them before speaking. "Fleet Commander Nate sends his apologies.  He could not attend this meeting due to a medical issue.  He was the man who spoke with you before."

            "We understand." Janeway said cordially and proceeded to give the visitors Voyager's standard tour.

            On the lead Saretti ship the medical practitioner regarded his unconscious patient with a sigh.  This latest episode had been very severe.  He had to use some very powerful drugs to ease the pain only to have the patient slip into unconsciousness.  The Doctor sighed and reviewed the last scan.

            He shook his head at the results.  He was not familiar with this species of humanoid.  There was so much he didn't know.  He could just be making the problem worse.

            The doctor ran and eye over his patient examining the feature.  Fair skin, golden hair, blue eyes and no cranial ridges.  Where was Nate really from?  Unfortunately not even Nate himself could answer that question.

            Lientenant Kim manned his station on the bridge.  The visitors from the other ship had just toured the bridge and Harry had examined each to one to see if they held any resemblance to Tom.  After what happened with Ensign Ballard coming back from the dead, Harry wanted to be ready for anything.  But none of them looked like or sounded like Tom.

            He continued working at his station for a few minutes but there was a nagging feeling in him that he couldn't ignore so he didn't try to.  Stopping what he was doing Harry went to the sensors and ran a sweep of the vessels around Voyager.  He didn't know what he expected to find but human life-signs on the lead ship had not been one of them.

            He ran the sensor sweep again just to confirm and the same results appeared.  Human, adult, male on the lead ship.  For a few minutes Harry just stared at the display.  Was that Tom?  Could his friend still be alive?

            Lt. Kim waited impatiently inside the conference room for the Captain to arrive.  He had commed her a few minutes earlier and without giving away any information asked to speak with her.  She had to see their guests off the ship before she went to see Harry, so the lieutenant was left to wait.

            "Harry," Janeway addressed the young man as she walked into the room.  He stopped his pacing and faced her. "What is it?" 

            "I ran sensor sweep of the Saretti ships and I found a human life-sign on the lead one," Harry began.

            Janeway knew exactly were he was going with this. Harry had been able to accept Tom's death but would jump at any hope that Tom was still alive.

            "They didn't say anything about a human being with them," Janeway said.  "If it was Tom then why wouldn't he have contacted us?"  In Harry's mind the same doubts were echoed.

            Voyager was escorted back to the Saretti home-world by the small fleet of ships.  At the end of the two hours journey Captain Janeway and the senior staff was invited to meet the governing council of the Fourth Order.

            The Voyager command team transported to the surface to the planet.  It was similar to earth with various climates and different species inhabiting the planet but the similarities ended there.

            The Voyager crewmembers were soon introduced to the social system on this planet.  The Saretti and other more advanced species ruled the planet and the other systems within the bounds of the Fourth Order.  They made the rules and enforced them with little regard for those who were less fortunate.

            The very bottom of the social levels was comprised mostly of Denerans.  The Denarans were generally the workers.  There had been a time when the Denerans and other more primitive races were slaves but slavery was abolished when the Second order came into power over a millennia ago.  Officially slavery had ended but the Denerans and other like them were not truly free.

            They still did most of the hard labour and the less favourable jobs.  The wages were poor and the conditions were worse but they had few resources and those with the power to infect change had not desire to do so; they were content where they were.

            Some people of the lower class though were lucky.  Some day they might know what true freedom feels like.  With the wages they earned, the lower class workers could buy their way out of poverty but few managed to do so.

            The wages were too low and the bills that came with a better quality of life was too much for even the most dedicated and hard working of people.

            The Denerans and other less fortunate peoples comprised most of the armed forces of the Fourth Order, as their lives were not deemed as important as Saretti lives.  High-ranking positions were usually given to Saretti and rarely to a Deneran.  There were however a few exceptions.

            Captain Janeway mingled with the crowd of people at the gathering.  They had arrived a few hours ago and the Saretti had invited the Voyager crew to their Annual Independence Celebration.  It was very political function and much of the Voyager crew had left early to go experience the night-life of the area.

            The Senior Staff, Neelix and Seven however remained at the gathering; they were after all, Starfleet ambassadors but there was also another reason. Curiosity.

            "Kathryn," Chakotay called softly as he walked up to the Captain. "Enjoying yourself?"

            She smiled trying to hide her boredom.  "Not the most lively party I've ever been to," she commented and continued looking around.

            "Looking for someone in particular?" Chakotay inquired.

            "We've yet to meet the 'Vodierre'," Janeway said.

            Vodierre was the title given to the female leader of the Fourth Order (a male leader was called 'Vodier'[_vo-dee-yay_]).  The Vodierre was in essence the dictator of the Order.  No elections were ever held and the power was passed down from generation to generation.  The only time there was an election was when the Vodier/Vodierre failed to produce and heir before their death and thus a new family line had to be selected.  In these rare instances the next 'Order' would begin.

            "She's probably busy with her duties," Chakotay said, referring to the Vodierre.  "But that's not all your looking for."

            Janeway smiled slightly and admitted to him the other person she was searching for. "Fleet Commander Nate."

            "He did sound like…. like Tom" Chakotay said after a slight pause.  Janeway had informed Chakotay about Lt. Kim's discovery of the human life sign on the Saretti ships and he too was left wondering if the person was Tom and if it was, why he hadn't contacted them.

            "You're dismissed.  Enjoy the celebration." The Vodierre said to the commanding officers of Fleet Arriah-9, the fleet that had helped the Voyager.

            Vodierre Iyin watched the officers file out of the room.  She waited until there were only a few left before calling the fleet Commander to stay a moment longer. Nate turned and walked back to Iyin hoping this would be a short meeting.  Something about his woman rubbed him the wrong way.

            "You did well today," she said with a seductive smile.  The officer remained silent.  She laughed slightly.  "Not talkative?" she asked.  She slowly started to circle him.  One finger traced a path a across his chest as she went.  Her long, platinum white hair flowed behind her giving her an air of angelic grace, but an angel was something she definitely was not.

            She was manipulative, possessive, deceitful and arrogant, but only in private.  In public she was well mannered, caring and just about perfect.  Everybody seemed to know of Iyin's two faces but no one dared challenge her or speak ill of her.

            Iyin returned into Nate's field of vision.  She tilted her head to the side and visually examined the stone-faced officer in front of her. "Doctor Rawsem tells me you had another episode.  I hope you're feeling better now."

            "I am," Nate replied simply, hoping to make this meeting as short as possible.

            "That's good.  I don't want to lose you," she said, bringing a hand to caress his cheek.  Nate moved away from her touch angering the Vodierre.  She slapped him with all the force she could muster.  No one rejected her!  "It will do you good to learn your place." She hissed at him.

            Nate didn't look at her, instead he continued staring over her at the wall.

            "Do not make this difficult Nate," she said more gently.  She stood on her toes to whisper in his ear.  "I always get what I want."

            Iyin walked to the exit of the room ready to join the rest of the party.  She plastered on her most charming smile and joined the crowd.  Nate relaxed once she had left.  He rubbed the side of his face where she had hit him.  It wasn't the first time she had done that and certainly, it wouldn't be that last.  Nate shook his head wondering why he resisted her so much?  Why did her feel like he belonged with someone else, someone who deeply missed him?  He fingered the gold band on the ring finger of his left hand.

            Dismissing his strange thoughts he left he room and joined the festivity.

            Harry, Seven and B'Elanna were talking to some of the Saretti officials about some of Voyager's technology.  Harry only had half his mind on the conversation before him.  He was preoccupied with the human life-sign he had found.

            He looked at B'Elanna who was thoroughly engaged in the conversation she was having with Seven and the Saretti.  He smiled slightly.  It was good to see her in a more cheerful mood.  After Tom's death, B'Elanna had shutdown.  She drowned herself in her work and isolated herself from the rest of the ship whenever she could.

            It had taken the persistence of Chakotay and Harry to break her out of her depression.  B'Elanna was improving, becoming more like her old self but sometimes, when she let the shield protecting her slip for just a moment, you could still see the deadened and haunted look in her eyes.

            "Wouldn't you agree Harry?" B'Elanna asked her friend.

            "Uh, yeah, sure," Harry said hoping he hadn't missed anything important.  B'Elanna and Seven each gave him a sideways look before B'Elanna addressed the Sarretti again.  Harry smiled.  He had gotten away with it.  He hadn't told B'Elanna of how the Fleet Commander's voice sounded like Tom.  Nor did he tell her of the human life-sign on the Sarretti lead ship.  He couldn't raise her hopes only to find out that he had been mistaken.  He'd wait and see what he found.

            As he looked around he noticed a door to and adjacent room opening.  A group of officers walked out and Harry recognized some of them as the ones who had visited Voyager.  Harry watched them come out of the room eagerly, hoping that he would see the Fleet Commander that they had yet to meet.

            Of the officers who left the room none of them were Tom and Harry held back a sigh of disappointment.  I must be delusional, Kim thought to himself.  Tom died six months ago.  He thought he had accepted that.

            A few minutes later Harry again observed the door to the adjacent room open.  This time a woman walked out.  He recognized her as the Vodierre that the other officials had described.  A second later another man walked out of the room and Harry's heart skipped a beat.  Could that be?

            Seven and B'Elanna watched in confusion as Harry abruptly left the small group.  B'Elanna didn't know where he was going and looked to Seven hoping that she had some insight into Harry's abrupt departure, but she had none to offer.  B'Elanna excused herself and tried to follow Harry but that provided to be fairly difficult.  There were quite a few people in the room and weaving around them while pregnant was a tricky matter.

            "Tom!" Harry called. Turning a few heads, but his friend, or at least the man who resembled him, did not react.

            Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were being introduced to Vodierre Iyin when they heard Harry yell.  Hearing the name the two officers glanced at each other before Chakotay excused himself to find the lieutenant.  Janeway wanted to join him but she didn't want to risk offending the Vodierre by being rude.

            "Tom," Harry said running up the fair skinned man with a smile.  Harry didn't understand why Tom didn't respond.  He placed a hand on his friend shoulder, grabbing his attention.  "Tom, it's me, Harry."

            "You must have me mistaken for someone else," Nate said after a momentary pause. This man seemed familiar but he couldn't recall where they had met before.  "I'm Fleet Commander Nate."

            "No, your not.  You're Tom Paris," Harry corrected.  What was wrong with him?  Harry looked into the familiar blue eyes.  This was definitely Tom Paris but there was no recognition in his face.  Tom didn't seem to remember him at all.

            B'Elanna emerged from the crowd "Harry, why are you–" B'Elanna stopped speaking as soon as she saw who Harry was with. "Tom!" She ran to him and wrapped her arms around him.  She didn't want to let go fearing that if she did she'd wake up and find that this was all just a dream.

            Reflexively Nate put his arms around the woman.  She seemed familiar as well. 

            A brief flash of a memory returned to him and he saw the same woman that was in his arms telling him she loved him while they were floating around in space.  The memory vanished as quickly as it had come.

            Nate looked at the man who had introduced himself as Harry.  The expression on his face was that of total confusion.  Why were these visitors mistaking him for someone else?

            "Uh, miss, I'm not….Tom," Nate said as he moved away from her.  She looked up at him with tears brimming in her eyes.  At the site of her sudden sadness Nate wanted nothing more than to make her smile again.  At that moment he realized he would have done anything for her, and he didn't even know who she was.

            "You don't remember her?" Harry asked.  

            Nate shook his head slowly.  Did he remember her?  "I'm sorry," he said.

            "Harry what's going on?"  Chakotay asked when he reached the group.  He saw Tom and froze.

            "I'm not Tom," Nate said before the Commander could say it.

            B'Elanna grabbed Nate's left hand and smiled when she saw the wedding band was still there.  She showed him her left hand where she wore an identical ring, although slightly smaller. "They're our wedding bands, Tom," B'Elanna told him, desperately hoping he'd remember.

            They stared at each other for several seconds.  "B'Elanna?" Nate said.  He was unsure of how he knew her name but it seemed right.  B'Elanna smiled.  Hearing her name being spoken by her husband brought back so many good memories.  The question now was why didn't Tom seem to remember.

            "Commander, what's the meaning of this?" Iyin said when she saw them.

            Chakotay thought he was being addressed but Tom responded before he did.

            "Vodierre, I think we've met before," Nate said looking at the woman who was still holding his hand.

            "Attend to your duties, I'll speak with our guests," Iyin ordered.  She didn't like the way B'Elanna was looking at him.

            "Vodierre, I think I–"

            Iyin interrupted him. "I gave you an order Commander," she said angrily.  Reluctantly, Nate let go of B'Elanna's hand.  He looked at her as he moved towards the nearest exit.  She was a piece of his forgotten past, a very large piece.  He'd find her again whether Iyin liked it or not.

            Iyin turned to address Captain Janeway. "Perhaps we should have a discussion," she suggested.  Janeway nodded.  Iyin had noticed the resemblance between the Voyager's and Nate but had dismissed it as a coincidence.  Apparently it was more than that.

            A few minutes later Harry and B'Elanna materialized in transporter room two.  They had left the party a few minutes after Tom had left.  The shock of seeing her supposedly dead husband alive again had taken its toll and B'Elanna had been slightly disoriented.

            "I know it's him," B'Elanna said as she carefully stepped down from the transporter padd.  "But why doesn't he remember us?" she looked at Harry with sad eyes.

            "I don't know," Harry said softly.  It wasn't fair.  Finding Tom after all this time only to discover that he has no memory of them at all.

            "But he knew my name…." B'Elanna said as she looked at her wedding band.

            Iyin tried to hide her unease as she listened to Captain Janeway recount the events surrounding Lieutenant Paris' death.  The time of Mr. Paris' death is close to the time when they found Nate.  She couldn't tell that to Janeway though.  What if they took him away? She hoped her colleague, Minister Persel, kept quiet.

            "I'm sorry for your loss, Captain, but Nate is a member of our society." Iyin's voice sounded fairly icy.

            "Could we at least take him to see our doctor?  Just to determine if it's the same person," Janeway suggested.

            Iyin contemplated her answer for a moment but Minister Persel answered Janeway's question.

            "It is commander Nate's decision whether or not to allow your doctor to test him," Persel said.  "I'll have him report here immediately."  The Minister left the room.  Iyin glared at Persel's back as he left.

            "If you don't mind me asking, how did you meet Tom, I mean Nate," Chakotay quickly corrected himself.

            "He was rescued from a slave trading vessel.  The other captives were returned to their homes but Nate was in poor condition.  He was brought here so that our Doctors could try to help him.  Our Doctor's of course, were not familiar with Nate's physiology.  He suffered severe head trauma and as a result, he lost his memory."  Iyin explained it all as if she had been reading a boring report.  She didn't seem to care about Tom's health at all

            "Has he regained any of his memories," Janeway asked.

            "The doctor tells me he recovered a few memories but nothing that he can clearly identify."

            Janeway looked at her executive officer, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.  Perhaps the universe hadn't been able to take this husband, father and friend from them just yet.

            Nate arrived a few moments later with Minister Persel.  Just by looking at Iyin he could tell she was in one of her moods when he tried to avoid her the most.  Something was not going her way and it was everybody's fault but her own.

            "Vodierre," Nate greeted the woman first and then the two Starfleet officers.

            "The Captain and Commander would like you to go to Voyager with them to take a few tests." Iyin got up and walked to him. "They have mistaken you for a deceased member of their crew." There was a laugh in her voice and she expected Nate to at least return a smile but he looked at the other two human's intensely, trying to recall a memory about them.

            "Would you agree to come with us?" Chakotay asked as he stood.

            Nate nodded silently as he remembered this man making a similar offer but they were in a tavern or bar of some sort.  He was going to be pilot for him but the memory faded leaving little behind.

            Janeway tapped her commbadge and walked to Nate.  He eyed her petit frame with slight apprehension knowing that her small figure hid a formidable spirit.

            "Three to beam up."

            They materialized on the transporter padd and the Ensign at the controls nearly fell over when she saw who was with the Captain and commander.  It couldn't be…

            Before she could formulate a sentence, Captain Janeway was leading Nate out of the room.  Chakotay stayed behind to speak with the Ensign.

            "Not a word to anyone," he said to the woman who nodded her head vigorously.  Chakotay gave her a small smile before leaving.

            Iyin paced the room where Nate and the two Voyagers had been last.  Minister Persel watched silently.  He knew his place and cared little for this spoiled brat and her obsessions.  He honestly hoped that Nate would leave with the Voyagers.  Nate may be a good officer but Iyin's obsession with him blinded her to the other issues that required her attention.  She was like an infatuated teen with a mind for nothing else.

            "They can't take him!" She exclaimed suddenly.

            "That is not our decision."  Iyin glared at Persel. "The commander has not yet proven to be there missing lieutenant and until he is or is not, further speculation is a waste of energy and time."

            "How much doubt do you have that Nate is not Paris?  I have little and I'll make my plans accordingly."  Iyin stormed out of the room and Persel followed after her, as slight grin upturning his lips.

            Nate studied the man in circling him carefully.  How could someone so lifelike be a hologram?  He resisted the urge to reach out and poke just to determine if the photonic projection was solid.  The Doctor was not oblivious to Nate's scrutiny but he ignored it, far more concerned with the readings on his tricorder.

            "Commander Nate, how did you end up joining the Saretti Security force?" The Doctor asked.

            "I was assigned," Nate informed him.

            "Assigned?" Chakotay repeated.

            "Yes.  When I arrived here I already knew how to pilot a Starship and so I was assigned to planetary patrol ship and from there I worked my way up," he explained simply.

            "Already knew how to pilot a ship…" Janeway repeated in disbelief.

            The Doctor closed his tricorder and instructed Tom to have seat on one of the biobeds.

            Janeway and the Doc walked into his office to have a discussion leaving Chakotay and Nate alone for a few minutes.  The Doctor had conducted a few tests but had not informed them of the results.  Nate assumed that's what he and the Captain were discussing now.

            "May I go see B'Elanna now?" Nate asked the Commander.

            "You remember her?"

            "I remember something about her but I'm not certain what?  I'd like to speak with her–" Tom stopped talking suddenly and clutched his head.

            "Tom," Chakotay said as he tried to help the other man.  Nate was in too much pain to respond.  He was having another episode.  "Doctor!" Chakotay called to the office.

            "What happened?" The Doctor asked as he left his office, Captain Janeway on his heals.

            "I don't know.  We were talking and suddenly he grabbed his head like he was in pain."

            The Doctor scanned Nate with a tricorder and noticed the strange brain patterns. The Doctor loaded a hypospray and pressed it to Nate's neck and he relaxed, his hands falling to his sides.  With Chakotay's help, the Doctor positioned Nate on the biobed and raised the diagnostic arch.

            Despite his unconscious state, creases of pain and tension still marred his features.  Janeway turned to the doctor hoping for some answers but he could give her few at the moment.  There was a strange phenomena occurring in Nate's cerebral cortex.

            The Doctor had already confirmed with a genetic test that Nate was Tom Paris but there were still many more questions that need to be answered.

            The Doctor worked for several minutes while Kathryn and Chakotay aided him as best they could.  The expression on The Doc's face wasn't even enough for them to speculate about what was wrong with Tom.

            While they were working around Tom's unconscious form the doors to sickbay slid open and B'Elanna walked in not looking happy for being kept out of the loop.  She had to get Harry to run a scan of the ship to locate Tom since the officer at the transporter controls didn't offer any information, even after B'Elanna had threatened her.

            She saw Tom lying on the biobed unconscious and looked at Chakotay, her eyes pleading for answers.  Before he could say anything the doctor spoke.

            "I need to speak with the Saretti physicians that treated Mr. Paris," He said with a hint of urgency in his voice.

            "Is Tom alright?" Janeway asked.

            "He is for now, but it's imperative that I speak with them."

            Janeway nodded while B'Elanna made her way to her husband's side.  Janeway glanced at Chakotay conveying with her eyes her concern for both Tom and B'Elanna.  Chakotay nodded, knowing that Kathyrn didn't want them to be alone right now.  He'd stay in sickbay while Kathryn and the Doctor talked with the Saretti.

            The Doctor placed the small mobile emitter on his arm and he and the Captain left telling Chakotay to contact them if anything should happen.

            Harry was still in the bridge.  He still wondered how Tom got here in the first place so he decided to got o astrometrics to see his favourite former borg.

            When he arrived Seven was working at the main console.  He walked up to her and looked at what she was doing.  Seven glanced at him before going back to work.  They were both silent for awhile until Seven had to inquire about his presence.

            "Can I help you with something Harry?" She asked awkwardly.  She had only recently started using his first name.  Actually it only started after Tom's death.  Seven had only been acquainted with death on a few occasions and only when 'One' died had the person been close to her.  She could now admit to herself that Tom was her friend. Her sometimes annoying, childish, impulsive friend but a friend nonetheless.

            She had always considered herself strong but she had to admit to herself now that even the strong can be the victims of unfortunate accidents.  With the Doctors help Seven has more actively pursued interactions with the rest of the crew especially those she was close to.

            "I was hoping you could help me out.  Do you still have the information from the shuttle accident?" Harry asked.  Sevn knew what he was referring to and after a brief pause she called up the information.

            "What in particular are you looking for?"

            "Is it possible that Tom survived," Seven was about to interrupt but he quickly continued. "May be there was some sort of wormhole."

            Seven looked directly at him and seeing that he was completely serious and not grasping at straws she looked at the sensor data.  "The only evidence of a special rift or wormhole was the high concentration of neutrinos. However there is no other evidence that would support such a conclusion." Harry stared at the screen thinking while Seven continued. "Artificial wormholes often do not exude the same characteristics."

            "You're thinking it might be a man-made wormhole?"

            "It is a possibility…

            "Where is Commander Nate?" Iyin asked when the Two Voyager officers had materialized.  

            "Unconscious in our Sickbay," the Doc replied to the Vodierre's outburst.  Janeway was glad to see that Iyin did not intimidate the Doctor.  He actually seemed a little angry at Iyin and the other Saretti, but Janeway was not entirely certain why.

            "Why is he unconscious?  What did you do to him?" Iyin asked in an accusing tone.

            "I gave him the treatment he should have receive long ago but it's too late now."

            Iyin quieted.  What had happened to her prized officer?

            The Doctor and the Captain were escorted by Iyin and Minister Persel to the Medical facility where Nate's records were stored.  Upon arrival at he facility, Nate's file was accessed and the Doctor found what he had feared.  They had made a near fatal mistake when they had first treated Tom.

            "Why was this done?" The Doctor asked, pointing to one of the treatments in Nate's file.  The nearest physician answered.

            "It was necessary to stabilize his cortical functions in order to get his vital systems in working order," she explained to the hologram.

            The Doctor felt like yelling or breaking something.  Where these people as ignorant as they seemed?  Tom, or Nate as they referred to him, is not Saretti and thus this procedure was unnecessary. The Doctor explained this to them.

            "His brain functions were erratic." The Saretti Doctor said as she displayed what Tom's EEG had been like when he had first arrived.  The Doctor recognized the type of brain waves and it was apparent to him the Tom's brain had simply been trying to heal itself after sustaining an injury.  The re-establishing of new neural connections was the cause of the erratic brain waves.

            The Doctor was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.  They didn't recognize the brain patterns because they were not familiar with Tom's physiology but he was concerned about something else, something that may soon prove fatal.

            "Who authorized this procedure?" The Doctor posed the question to the Saretti doctor.  She looked at the area of the file the Doctor pointed to but didn't answer.  She turned her head away in shame.

            "I did," Iyin said taking the blame that was rightfully hers.  "He was dying." She tried to justify her past actions.

            "He was recovering.  Your procedure is killing him."

            "Our procedure saved him!" 

            "Doctor what is it?" Janeway interrupted before Iyin and the hologram got into a screaming match.

            "Due to Tom's physiology the procedure they performed did more harm than good.  It halted Tom's neurogenesis and thus he lost his memories and the damage is continuing with the degradation of other neurons."

            "That's why he suffers from those episodes?" Minister Persel said and the holodoc nodded.

            "How serious is his condition?" Janeway asked.

            "Deadly," he said meeting her gaze. "Unless I can find some way to reverse the process, Mr. Paris will die during one of his future 'episodes'.  It may be next week, next month, or next year but each one does more damage."

            Meanwhile on Voyager, Nate/Tom was beginning to regain consciousness.  B'Elanna was next to him coaxing him to open his eyes while Chakotay hung back giving them some privacy.

            "Come on, Tom.  Look at me," B'Elanna told him.

            Eventually Tom was able to gather the strength to open his heavy eyelids and focus his gaze on the familiar woman above him.  A soft smile upturned his lips a she looked at her.  He felt B'Elanna's grip on his hand loosen a little and he tightened his weak grip on her hand fearing that she was going to leave.

            "I'm not leaving you Tom," she whispered to him with a smile.

            "Is that my name?" he asked looking into her eyes.

            Tears began to flood her eyes when she heard her husband ask that question.  He couldn't even remember his name how could she expect him to remember the rest of his life?

            "B'Elanna don't cry," Nate said as he sat up.  He brought a hand up to wipe away a tear that had trailed down her face.  His touch was that same and B'Elanna found herself leaning into it.

            B'Elanna smiled through the tears and looked at her husband, hope in her heart. "I've missed you."

            Somehow, Nate had missed her too.

End Chapter 1

Mwa ha ha ha hah!  How did you like that? Huh?  I'm waiting.  I'll tell you what, you email me or leave a review and tell me what you thought of it, and I'll post the next chapter sooner (blackmail at its finest).  There are still three more parts to come, so stay tuned.  Same Bat- time, same Bat-channel….excuse me, wrong show.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Into the Arms of Strangers

Author: Zappy Zaps

Category: Drama/Action/Adventure P, P/T

Summary:  An officer who had gone MIA six months earlier is found in an alien order serving on their security force but has no memory of anything prior to six months ago.  His new life is also plagued with new responsibilities, duties and promises.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: All the Star Trek characters are Paramount's.  I don't own them (yet). ;)

Archiving: Please do, but tell me! zappyzaps@hotmail.com

Author's note: I had to try and amnesia/loss of memory story, just for fun! ;-)

Sept02

Chapter 2

            Captain Janeway and the EMH transported off the Saretti home-world leaving Iyin and the Saretti physician in the Medical Centre.  They were both silent and both seething with anger.

            Iyin was angry at the Voyager Doctor.  That insolent hologram had been very disrespectful towards her.  The Saretti Doctor, Unjabi, was only angry at herself and Iyin.  Unjabi had been in charge of Nate's medical care since his arrival in the Order.  She was the most learned of her colleagues and thus she was chosen to take care of the man who had a physiology like nothing they had ever seen before.

            Unjabi had compromised her ethics and broken an oath she had sworn to when she became a Doctor.  Every time she looked at Nate, every time she witnessed one of his episodes she couldn't help but feel guilty.  She had been weak and allowed politics to sway the treatments she gave to her patient.

            She had known the last treatment would temporarily stabilize Nate but she knew that it would have dire consequences as well.  That's where Iyin's part starts.  She had been captivated by the handsome stranger and wanted him for herself.  If he had no memories than he would have no problem submitting to her will, or so she thought.

            Iyin, basically, forced Unjabi and her medical team to perform the procedure under the guise that it would help the man.  Iyin threatened to cut funding to the medical projects and programs, all of which were being supported by the government.

            The procedure had been somewhat of a success.  The patient had recovered quickly but the neural damage was slowly becoming worse.  Unjabi felt like kicking herself.  She had practically handed down a death sentence to and innocent man –a man who had trusted her with his care, all to please a spoilt brat.

            "Do you have something to say to me?" Iyin challenged Doctor Unjabi but Unjabi remained silent, regarding her with a chilly stare.  Iyin pivoted and headed for the exit while Unjabi resisted the urge to plunge a scalpel in the Vodierre's back.

            With her chin raised high and her eyes set on the exit Iyin left the building, ignoring the stares as best she could.  These ingrates meant little to her.  They didn't matter and she was above judgement.

            "Tom," she whispered to him.  He had a hand on her womb feeling the child inside her kick.

            "A girl," Tom said, somehow knowing he was right.  He brought his eyes up to meet B'Elanna's.  "Our girl?"

            B'Elanna nodded to him almost sadly.  "Our girl," she said too softly for anyone to hear.  There were still many doubts in her mind about her and Tom's future, about whether they could even share one together.  Would Tom even want to stay with her?  He had a new life with the Saretti.

            Interrupted by the opening of the doors to Sickbay, B'Elanna turned away from Tom to face whoever was entering.  Chakotay could see the conflict of emotions on B'Elanna's face and hoped that this could be resolved.  Chakotay looked at Tom who still had his gaze fixated on B'Elanna.  He looked at her with the same adoration that he had before and Chakotay felt more confident that this would work out.

            The EMH walked in alone looking rather annoyed.  Tom guessed that the Doctor had met the Vodierre.  Only she could be that irritating.

            "Doctor, where's the Captain?" Chakotay asked.

            "She's fielding a call from our dear Vodierre," sarcasm was laced heavily in his words as he made a grand gesture with one of his hands.  Tom sighed quietly.  The Doctor had definitely met the Vodierre.

            "Is everything alright?" Tom enquired.  The Doctor's expression softened as he regarded the man he thought of as a friend.

            The EMH glanced at Chakotay and B'Elanna before giving Tom the news.  "I'm sorry Tom, but your…dying."

            There was silence in the room as they tried to cope with what the Doctor had said.

            "How can that be?" Tom asked quickly.  "Unjabi said–"

            " –She's not familiar with the human body.  She made and error in treatment when you first arrived with them.  It's what's causing your 'episodes'."  The Doctor gently explained to him about the treatment and how they had, let's assume unintentionally, caused long-term damage.

            "I was getting better though.  I was remembering things…I…." Tom recalled the worried glances Unjabi had sometimes given him.  "…I don't want to die," he whispered harshly to himself.  He felt had hand on his and he grasped it.  "Not when I finally have something to live for."

            The bridge was silent with tension as two powerful and equally stubborn women went head-to-head.  Iyin's usually pale complexion was now beet red as she argued with Captain Janeway over Commander Nate.  Her face filled the viewscreen and her voice could probably be heard three decks below.

            "Vodierre," Janeway started, carefully controlling her voice. "Commander Nate, as you refer to him is in our sickbay with strict orders from our Chief Medical Officer to remain there for at least twenty-four hours for observation."

            "You mean the intolerable hologram!"  Iyin's anger grew just thinking about him.  "I don't care!  Fleet Commander Nate is a member of the Deneran social level and he is ordered to report to his flat at once!"

            That was news to Janeway.  Nate was a member of the lowest social level?  With Iyin's obvious attraction to Tom, one would have assumed that she would use her influence to raise him to a higher social level.  Of course that would mean Tom would be free to do as he wanted, which may have included leaving and Iyin couldn't allow that.

            "Vodierre, Commander Nate will contact you in twenty-four hours to update you on his condition-"

            "He will contact me in twelve hours if not sooner!  He will return to me in twenty-four hours.  If he does not or if you try to leave with him on your vessel, I will send every fleet at my disposal to destroy you!" After completing her death threat, Iyin cut the channel.

            Captain Janeway was once again astounded by the arrogance and impudence of the Vodierre.  Janeway could sense the moods on the bridge lighten.  She saw some officers trying to hide their smiles as they worked.

            By the end of the confrontation, Iyin sounded like a whining six-year old and not a leader of a government.  Kathryn shook her head, a slight smile pulling at her lips.  There was a time when death threats meant something to her and her crew, but it's become such a common occurrence they just didn't have the same effect they once did.

            The Captain walked over to Lieutenant Kim at his station and spoke quietly with him.  "Assemble the senior staff for a meeting.  We have some issues to discuss."

            Harry nodded to the order but before he went to work he had an important question to ask her, one that had been nagging Harry since Nate had arrived on Voyager.  Kathryn anticipated the question and answered it before Harry could pose it.

            "It's him Harry," she told him and watched as a small smile crossed his features.  There were many emotions clouding his thoughts but Harry held them in check as best he could.  Kathryn laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, a gesture Harry had become fond of.  She gave him a quick smile before moving on and allowing Harry to get to work.

            Tears stung his eyes as he rejoiced in the second chance his best friend had been given.

            Half an hour later, the Senior Staff and Tom met in the conference room.  For those who hadn't seen Commander Nate earlier at the gathering, it was a shock to see the man they had thought was dead.  When the introductions and explanations were finished they got down to the problems at hand.

            "Vodierre Iyin, wants you to return to the planet within twenty-four hours," Janeway announced to Tom, who seemed to slump a little in his chair at the thought of having to see Iyin when she was in a bad mood.  "Whether you want to return or not is totally up to you, Tom."

            Everybody in the conference room was aware of Iyin's threats but was willing to risk a confrontation if it meant getting back one of their own.

            "It's not up to me, Captain," Tom corrected her.  "As a member of the Deneran Class, I…I'm stuck serving the Order until I die or until I can buy my freedom.  I've only enough funds to free one person." Tom said the last sentence more to himself than the group but they had no trouble hearing him.

            "Then you have enough," Harry said.  He didn't understand why Tom hadn't bought his freedom already if he had enough money to do so.

            "You don't understand," Tom ran a hand over his face already growing weary.  He looked at B'Elanna who sat next to him and knew that he couldn't just abandon his friend or his promise.  "There's a woman to whom I promised months ago that her child would live with the same rights and freedoms that, the Saretti have." He looked at the people seated at the table.  The same rights and freedoms that you have and take for granted, Tom thought.  "I can't abandon her."

            The silence said more than words could and Tom thought that he understood it's meaning.  They were angry with him for turning his back on their attempt to help him.  He couldn't bring himself to look at B'Elanna. He didn't want to see the look in her eyes, the anger and pain.  He stared at the tabletop quickly gaining the will to leave.

            "I'm sorry, I've wasted your time." Tom looked quickly at each of them but was unable to look at B'Elanna.  He started to get up but Lt. Torres, pregnant or not, was as fierce as she ever was.

            "Tom," she stood and kept him from leaving.

            "I'm dying anyway.  It would be a waste of effort."

            "I believe I'm the Doctor here, Mr. Paris, not you," the EMH piped up.  

            Janeway cast the Doctor a look that told him he wasn't pleased with his last comment.  "Tom is there anyway for a Deneran citizen to be freed?" Janeway asked.  She wasn't ready to give up just yet.  The Tom Paris she used to know wouldn't have given up so easily either, but it was just like Tom to put the welfare of somebody else before his own.  She was curious about the woman Tom was referring to but that could wait until later.

            "I don't know of any way to move up, except to buy your way but I'm not well versed in the Social Policies of the Fourth Order," Tom admitted.

            "We should ask Minister Persel about it," Chakotay said to Kathryn.  In their earlier meeting, Persel had been more forthcoming with information and less secretive than Iyin.

            Kathryn nodded her agreement and looked to Tom who also nodded.  He and B'Elanna sat back down.

            "I have a discovery to share as well. One that hopefully pull Mr. Paris out of his morbid mood," The doctor said.

            Tom felt he had to respond and so he did, in a true Paris fashion.  "I've just been hanging out with you too much Doc.  You're beginning to rub off on me."

            That was a genuine Paris comeback and everybody in the room recognized the banter that Tom and the Doctor had always engaged in.  Even the slight smirk on his face was identical.  Harry found himself stifling a laugh as the memories of other such quips rushed back to him.

            The Doctor raised an eyebrow, the same way he always did and continued with his speech.  "I've devised a procedure that could end Mr. Paris' neural episodes."  Tom and the others knew the Doctor wasn't finished yet.  There was a catch, there's always a catch.  "However, Mr. Paris will not regain any other memories of his past.  He'll be able to re-learn things quickly, just as he learnt how to pilot and ship again but any specific memories associated with it will be lost with the others."

            "Wait a minute.  There's a chance I could regain all my memories?" Tom needed clarification.

            "Well… yes.  Your neural episodes are a result of your body trying to fix the damage to your cerebral cortex by recreating neural connections.  Such rapid neurogenesis is uncommon as most neurons do not undergo mitosis so late in life.  Each episode presents the chance of you regaining your memories but they also present the more likely risk that you won't survive the next one."  Tom was contemplating what he should do when the Doctor addressed him again.  "You don't need to make a decision right away, but the sooner the better."

             The hours past far too quickly in Tom's opinion.  Most of his time was spent in Sickbay with the Doctor as he told the hologram what had happened to him in the past six months; what he remembered of his past and what had happened since he arrived in the Fourth Order.  After the Doctor was finished with him Tom left sickbay and after wandering the corridors of Voyager he eventually found his way to a familiar place, his quarters.

            "Computer where is Commander Nate?" 

            'Commander Nate is on deck nine section twelve.' The computer responded.

            "Is anyone with him?"

            "Negative."

            He keyed in the access code and he confirmed that Commander Nate was indeed inside.  He approached slowly and made his presence known.

            "Tom?"

            The blonde man turned around and saw a young man with black hair and slender eyes entering the room.  "That's what everybody's been calling me."

            Harry smiled slightly but it faded when he saw that his friend wasn't joking.  He was confused.  To suddenly be thrown back into his old life, one he didn't even remember was undoubtedly difficult.

            "You recognize anything?" Harry asked.

            "Almost." It was a strange answer but it answered Kim question better than anything.

            "Give it some time.  I'm sure you'll remember more." Harry's words of encouragement and reassurance were very familiar and Tom placed the image he had been looking at back on the table.  In it was Tom, Harry and B'Elanna at one of Neelix's parties.

            "Always the optimist." Tom said as he passed Harry and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

            Harry let Nate/Tom look around the quarters for a few more minutes before announcing that it was time he checked in with the Vodierre.  By the expression on the other man's face Harry could tell that Tom wasn't looking forward to the conversation.  A few minutes later he completely understood why.

            "I hope you've enjoyed your little vacation because you'll be working for the next eight rotations without one!" Iyin said heatedly.  Fleet Commander Nate just stood there like a statue.  It was difficult to tell whether or not he was even listening.

            The bridge was lightly manned as some crewmembers were still on the planet and it was gamma shift already.  Despite the presence of others in the room, Iyin continued her rant.

            Harry was at his station waiting for the communiqué to be over so that he could escort Tom to the guest quarters where he could stay over night.  It was past 0100 already.

            "Don't think for a moment that you won't be punished for your infractions," Harry heard Iyin say as he briefly tuned into the conversation, which was actually more like a lecture; Iyin spoke and Nate listened.

            Harry was very tempted to close the channel and blame it on a malfunction of the comm. array but he didn't.  The Vodierre might decide to blame it on Tom and get him in more trouble.

            "I want you back here in time for the ETS and then, I'll see you in my Judicial Chambers!  Understood?"

            Nate only nodded and if it was possible, Iyin became angrier.  She closed the channel.  Nate looked at the blank viewscreen a few seconds longer before turning to Lieutenant Kim.  "I need to return to my duties," he said.

            "But it hasn't been twenty-four hours yet," Harry protested.  He was wary of the Vodierre, having seen her ugly side.  Still he'd rather not risk sending his best friend to deal with that woman.

            "I know but ETS, Early Training Session, starts in a few hours and as you've heard, I have to attend," Tom told Harry.  By the tone of his voice it was easy to tell that Tom wasn't looking forward to the session.

            Harry escorted Tom through the corridors to the transporter room.  B'Elanna would be disappointed that hse didn't get to spend more time with Tom but maybe they'd be able to see him later today.  There was a question that Harry wanted to ask but didn't know how to word it.  As Nate stepped onto the transporter padd Harry decided to just ask and not worry about how it sounded.

            "Tom, why stay here?  There doesn't seem to be much you look forward to."

            Nate nearly smiled.  He had asked himself that very question several times and each time the answer was the same.  "Just in case.  One day I might do something that will make a difference for somebody.  And besides, I have nowhere else to go."  He nodded at the officer at the transporter controls and he vanished in the sparkling blue beam.

            Harry's eyes remained fixed at the point where his friend had last been standing.  There was an undeniable truth to Nate's response but that's the thing with the truth, it tends to change over time –because now, he has somewhere else to go.  Harry left still feeling anxious and decided to put that energy to good use and figure out how Tom got here in the first place.  
            In the galley two crewmen discussed the day's hot topics while enjoying a late night snack.  The day's hot topics, of course, all center around one supposedly deceased lieutenant.

            "He looks the same," the first one said to his female companion.  She nodded her agreement but she refused to look up from her small meal.  "Did I miss something?"

            She finally looked up at him with a sad expression on her face.  "You didn't see his eyes," she whispered.  "He looked…. deadened."

            "I suppose he can't really be the same person,"

            "Not when all the memories that made him who he was are locked away."  They were both silent for a few minutes, each contemplating the philosophical questions that accompanied their conversation.

            "I wish I could help him," she said, more to herself than anyone.  Tom Paris had been a friend to her and though they were not close, sometimes just making a bad joke and the right time could brighten somebody's day.  She now wished to return the favour.

            "Well you better do it quickly.  I overheard Torres and Kim talking.  The just of it, was that Paris doesn't have a lot of time." 

            "Life isn't fair," she said dropping her utensil.

            "Unless you cheat."

            Fleet Commander Nate keyed in his access code to the large building where thousands of lower class citizen resided.  As the door was closing behind him a few people slipped inside before it locked, seeking some refuge from the bitter cold.  The corridors were littered with the less fortunate.  Those too weak, too young, too old or just unlucky, that cannot fend for themselves.  Everyday he walked past them and everyday he wished to help them all, but he could hardly help himself.

            In a corner two children as young as five or six, huddled together, shivering as they tried to keep the cold away.  The Commander removed the outer jacket of his uniform and draped it over the two small forms.  The one who was coherent enough to understand his surrounding watched Nate's movements carefully.  They were young and suspicious of strangers.  Nate couldn't blame them.

            It wasn't uncommon to hear about children being stolen from the streets and sold as slaves outside the order.  This planet was overpopulated and a few missing people, especially unimportant ones, would not be greatly missed.

            Nate didn't even look like a Deneran (or Saretti). His features are plain and smooth unlike the sweeping cranial ridges of the Denerans or the pronounced features of the Saretti.  He didn't look like them and without the universal translator, he didn't sound like them either.

            Nate gave the child a brief smile before standing and heading to his flat.  He would offer them a place to stay in his small dwelling but knew they would not accept.  As he walked away from them he heard a small voice say, "Keyka."  It was a Deneran dialect that the translator could not decipher but Tom had learnt it's meaning –thank you.

            In his home Tom looked for the person who had made the last few months easier.

            "Halia?" He called softly.  The lights were low and he was unsure of whether she was still awake.

            "Nate?" a soft, feminine voice.

            He carefully treaded to the bed where the woman lay.  She smiled upon seeing him but Nate could not return it.  Even in the dim light of the room he could easily see that she was not well.

            "I'm fine," she tried to reassure him, seeing the concern on his face.  "I'm just a little nauseous."

            "You're a terrible liar," he said as he fetched her a cool glass of water.  Halia was pregnant with her first child and she was experiencing some severe illnesses due to her condition.  Nate had met her soon after his arrival and they had slowly become friends.  

            When they first met, Halia hadn't known she was pregnant.  The child she carried was the result of an affair she had with a Saretti man who had no intention of taking care of his child and thus Halia was left with no one to help her until Nate came along.  For whatever reason he sympathized with her, as if he knew of another person who had gone through a difficult pregnancy.

            As the months droned on Halia's symptoms worsened and she could not take care of herself and she bagan to loose hope.  After the 'incident' Nate had insisted that she stay with him.  Halia had showed him the ropes when he had first arrived and now he could return the favour.

            "Keyka," she said as she sat up to take a drink.  She lay back down on her side after only taking a few short sips.  Nate placed the glass on the plastic container that acted as a makeshift nightstand and sat on the edge of the small bed.

            "Back still hurting?" he asked her.

            She rolled her shoulders and replied, "A little, but it's common."  Denerans (like Ocampans) carried their unborn children on their upper back and it was at times, rather uncomfortable.

            The two lapsed into silence.  Nate was preoccupied with his own thoughts and Haliah was concerned.  Nate didn't seem to be himself.  Usually he'd try to hide what he was feeling and make it look like everything was okay, but today it seemed as though he was too tired to try.

            "Nate, are you alright?"

            He was so deeply in thought that the sound of her voice startled him. "Oh, I'm…okay."

            "You're a terrible liar."

            Tom shrugged and tried to give her one of his patented smirks. "I'm just having an off day.  Tomorrow," he said as he stood, "I'll be able to convince you that gravity pulls things up."

            "Get some rest Nate," she told him with a smile.

            "I'll try," he mumbled to himself.

            "And Nate," she called causing him to turn to face her, "Thank you."

            He wasn't sure how to respond so he didn't.  He gave her a fleeting smile and left the crowded bedroom.

             Laying her head back on the pillow Halia wished she could do more to help Nate and help herself.  She still found it hard to believe that one day soon she'd be free of this lifestyle.  She looked up to where Nate had been last but he had moved and she could not see him.

            She smiled as she thought of the better life her child would experience, and it was thanks to her only friend Nate.  One late night, months ago, she had been talking to him and her despair about her situation and her child's future came out.  Nate had promised then to help her get to the next social level.  At the time Halia thought they were just some kind words to give her a sense of hope but a few days later when Nate brought it up again, she realized her was completely serious.  The trick for Halia and her child to move to the next social level was to get Halia into the Saretti level before her child was born, that way they would only have to pay for one person instead of two.  And once her child was born Halia automatically receives a compensation for the months of work that she'll miss since she is a single mother.  

            Halia won't have a job at that time so she isn't really entitled to any compensation but it's unlikely that anyone will ask and so they won't tell.  A smile slowly appeared on her face as she thought of Nate's carefully thought out plan.

            The next morning Halia woke up at around 0600; very early but she found that Nate had already left, no doubt hard at work.

            "Get out of my sight!"  Iyin's voice could be heard outside her chambers and down the hall but thankfully there was only one person in the hallway and he wasn't at all surprised by Iyin's outburst.

            The doors slid open, permitting the exit of Fleet Commander Nate.  Sub-Commander Isam stopped leaning against the wall and stood at attention.  Nate just gave a slight wave of his hand and Isam relaxed out of his position.  Nate was the higher-ranking officer after all and although he was of the Deneran social level, Isam still knew his place in the chain of command.

            They walked down the corridor in silence.  Isam wondering what had happened in the meeting Nate had with the Vodierre and Nate wondering when Isam would ask.

            "So… productive meeting?" Isam asked casually.

            "Hardly," Nate said as just as a yawn escaped him.

            "You should get more sleep, sir," Isam suggested.

            "I'll keep that in mind the next time I have to attend the ETS."  Isam knew what the acronym stood for and wondered why a seasoned officer such as Nate had to attend a training session meant for officers that needed to be re-certified.  "Anyway, what's the status of the fleet?"

            The subject was quickly changed and for the rest of the day it was business as usual.  In the forefront of his mind though, Nate was thinking of something else.

            Voyager floated above the Saretti home-world in a geo-synchronous orbit above the capital city where both Tom and the Vodierre were located.  Lt. Kim was in command of the bridge until either Tuvok, Janeway or Chakotay arrived.  It wasn't long before they were all on the bridge inquiring as to the ship's status.  Harry gave them the update and just as he was finishing they were hailed.

            "On screen," Janeway ordered.

            "Captain Janeway, I require the personnel file of your Lieutenant Paris," Iyin ordered.

            Kathryn and Chakotay glanced at each other before responding. "Why do you need his file?" the Captain politely enquired.

            "It is not your place to question me.  I require the file, that is all."

            "I'm not going to give you information about one of my officers without a good reason," Janeway responded evenly.

            "Your officer is dead.  Give me the file or leave immediately." After giving Janeway a stony glare, Iyin ended the conversation.

            "Charming isn't she," Harry mumble to himself.

            Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay left the bridge to Tuvok and went to the ready room.  "Should we send her Tom's file?" Chakotay asked.  They were both concerned as to what Iyin intended to do with it.

            "We don't have much of choice.  We can't leave just yet."  Kathryn thought for a moment.  What would the Vodierre want with Tom's file?  Using her desk console Kathryn put a read-only function on Tom's file.  "Janeway to Kim."

            "Kim here."

            "Hail the Vodierre and route the transmission to the ready room," she said.

            There was a pause on the other end of the channel as Harry briefly contemplated the purpose of this transmission.  "Aye Captain.  Kim out."  There was a note of confusion in Harry's voice.

            "He's not the only one confused," Chakotay said.

            Kathryn gave him a smirk that asked him to trust her and wait.  A few seconds later Iyin's visage was displayed on the small screen.

            "You again," Iyin said quietly, but not quietly enough.

            "Yes, us again." Janeway said, not the least but irked by Iyin's insolence.  "I have Lieutenant Paris' file for you but we'll need the Social Policies Documents that we had asked for earlier."

            Iyin paused and thought over her response.  Commander Chakotay had asked for those documents last night.  The official Chakotay spoke with said that the documents would be sent but under Iyin's orders they withheld leaving Chakotay and the senior staff to wait and wonder what had happened.  They of course figured that Iyin had something to do with it.

            "Agreed.  You'll have the documents in a matter of minutes," Iyin conceded.

            "And you'll have the file when we have the documents," Janeway said boldly. Chakotay worried that maybe Janeway had pushed too far but Iyin reluctantly nodded.  The link was severed and the screen returned to the federation symbol.

            "Diplomacy at its finest," Chakotay said.

            The vessels comprising the fleet Arriah-9 were in the main hangar being repaired.  The skirmish from the day before had caused some damage and the ships had to be in top condition.  Nate, Isam and Fashi, the head of security for the fleet, oversaw the repairs.  During the break for mid-day meal Nate contacted Voyager.  Iyin hadn't been pleased with him this morning and she likely would have contacted Voyager just to vent some frustration.

            Nate tried to hide his smile as he thought about the meeting this morning.  Iyin hadn't taken the news very well.    Iyin had been furious but she had asked what had happened.  When he had refused to answer, saying that it was a private matter, Iyin had threatened him with some serious punishment and so he told her.  First he told her about the treatment option Voyager's CMO gave him and then he told her about B'Elanna and that was when Iyin lost it.  Not only was he married but his wife was pregnant with their child.  Nate started laughing but sobered when his hail was answered.

            "Captain, I wanted to apologize for my abrupt departure last night," Nate said when the channel was open.  The Captain dismissed his apology, understanding his position.

            "Iyin contacted us earlier," Janeway nearly laughed as Nate cringed, not wanting to think about what Iyin had said to them, "She wanted you file from Voyager."

            "Could you please send me a copy as well," Nate asked of her.  He didn't want Iyin to be too many steps ahead of him.  Janeway nodded to his request.  A few minutes later they signed off and went back to their respective duties.

            Captain Janeway had inquired as to how Iyin became aware of Nate's condition.  Nate told Janeway about his meeting with Iyin this morning.  Janeway wasn't pleased that Iyin was threatening her officers for information that was none of her business.

            It was much later in the day; in fact the day was nearing its end.  Nate however, was just finishing his work at the hangar and heading home.  He exited the hangar and put on his jacket.  The temperature had dropped and it was a little chilly.  Nate began his walk to the station where hopefully he would be able to catch the next transport home.  He was startled and disappointed to hear the voice of the Vodierre calling him.  Nate turned faced her.  She casually waltzed up to him holding a data padd in her hand.

            "Commander," Iyin said charmingly and Nate went on alert.  Iyin was never this friendly towards him.   "I have lieutenant Paris' file from the Voyager.  It's an interesting read." She handed the padd to him and Nate slowly took it from her.  "I suggest you start from the very beginning."  She had a slight smile on her face that sent chills up and down Nate's spine.  She ran her eyes up and down him before making eye contact again.  "I certainly hope you aren't him," she said before walking away.

            Nate glared at her back before walking away.  He turned on the display screen and began reading the file as he walked.  The file was like any other file he had read.  It contained all of his information in it and nothing in it surprised him until he read further into his forgotten past.

            Halia paced back and forth unable to sleep.  Where was he?  It was nearly 0300 and Nate was still not home.  Was he hurt?  Halia sat herself on the corner of the bed.  Her back was aching and she couldn't continue her pacing.  She didn't know what else to do.

            She made her way over to the small console in the apartment.  Maybe the people on Voyager would know where he is.  Gingerly she entered the directory code and asked to be connected to the Federation Starship Voyager.  The screen was blank for several seconds as the transmission was routed to the ship.  Halia twisted the bottom of her shirt unconsciously as she waited nervously.  I shouldn't bother these people, Halia thought and was about to press the button to terminate the transmission when she got a response.

             "Are you the Captain?" Halia asked.

            "I am not," the man responded.  "I am Commander Tuvok, and am in command of Voyager.  Why have you contacted us?"

            Halia thought it was strange that the man was so emotionless but ignored it. "I was hoping to speak with Commander Nate, if he's on your ship." 

            "Fleet Commander Nate is not on the ship," Tuvok informed.

            "Then were is he?" Halia whispered to herself.

End Chapter 2

More to come.  Stay tuned! zappyzaps@hotmail.com


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Into the Arms of Strangers

Author: Zappy Zaps

Category: Drama/Action/Adventure P, P/T

Summary:  An officer who had gone MIA six months earlier is found in an alien order serving on their security force but has no memory of anything prior to six months ago.  His new life is also plagued with new responsibilities, duties and promises.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: All the Star Trek characters are Paramount's.  I don't own them (yet). ;)

Archiving: Please do, but tell me! zappyzaps@hotmail.com

Author's note: I had to try and amnesia/loss of memory story, just for fun! ;-)

Oct02/Nov02/Dec02

Chapter 3

            Captain Janeway and her first officer entered Astrometrics where Lietenant Kim, Lieutenant Torres and Seven were waiting.  Harry had commed them saying they had found something interesting about this area of space.

            "What is it?" Kathryn asked as she stroded over.

            "We may have found how Tom ended up here." Harry said.  There was no excitement in his voice, the kind that usually appears when a discoveries of importance is made.  In its place was grim acceptance.

            Seven tapped in a few commands and those assembled watched the large screen with interest.  A scan of subspace was displayed and within it waves of dense residual energy passed by in all directions like ripples in a pond.  "These are the remnants of quantum singularity tests or more specifically wormholes," Seven said. "Usually the energy streams pass through each other unaltered but in rare instances there is turbulence and small eddies are formed.  Most are too small to affect space-time however on some rare occasions," she called up another scenario, "a temporary distortion occurs."  They watched as some of the energy eddies collided and a chain reaction was initiated.

            "Then Tom was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Chakotay said.

            "Apparently," Seven replied earning herself a icy look from B'Elanna.  Seven detachment was grating on her last nerve and while she and the former borg were on better terms the friction was still present.

            The solitary sun of the system was creeping over the horizon, tinting the clouded sky with shades of pink and orange.  Still, the magnificence of the sunrise was not enough to take the tumultuous thoughts of Commander Nate from the document that was in his hands.

            The document was the Starfleet file of one, Tom Paris and Iyin had been right.  Nate certainly hoped that he was not Tom Paris.  He hadn't read through the entire file, only about the first third but it had been enough.  He didn't want to know anymore.  Had he been such a terrible person?  He didn't know the answer to that or any of his other questions.  They may lie within the rest of the file but he feared what else he might discover.

            He rested his head in his hands as he tried to sort through what he had just learnt.  The file left too many questions unanswered, most of them beginning with why.  Why had he lied about Caldik Prime?  Why had he joined the Maquis? Why did he betray the Maquis and help Captain Janeway track down the Maquis?  He wasn't sure he wanted the answers to these questions.  The crew of Voyager seems to want him back though.  Had he redeemed himself?  Not knowing his own past was more frustrating than he would have ever imagined.

            "Commander?" a voice asked.  Nate didn't look up to acknowledge the person.  "Commander, what are you doing here?" the man continued.

            Finally Nate looked up and saw one of his junior officers, Mickel was his name.  Tom had seen him the night before as he was leaving the building since Mickel had the night shift along with a few other unlucky souls.

            "Nothing," Nate responded and looked back down.  Mickel could tell something was bothering the commander but didn't want to intrude on his personal life.  "Do you know what time it is?" Nate asked, curious as to how long he had been here.

            Mickel checked his device. "It's 0630, sir."

            Nate stood up and once again towered over the young officer. "Thank you."  Nate took his leave and despite his confusion, Mickel did the same.

            Nate walked into his relatively small office and notice the indicator blinking that he had several messages.  "I suppose I'm not the only insomniac," he said quietly as he tapped the button to play the messages.  The first three were just some officers reporting to him about the state of repairs but the last eight were personal messages.

            Halia's face appeared on the screen and she looked worried. "Nate where are you?  It's nearly four!  When you get this message contact me," she ended and the screen went blank for a few seconds before the next message played.  Halia was on the screen again, pleading with Nate to contact her.  Tom stopped the message and did as Halia had asked and called her.

            The tell-tale beep of the communications unit roused her from her light sleep and after identifying the noise she slowly made her way there.  Pressing the button to respond as she sat down.  Nate's image appeared on the screen.  Halia sighed with relief.

            "Are you alright?" he asked.

            "Am I alright?" she asked in a tone that was almost outrage. "Where have you been?  I've been up for hours trying to find you!"

            Nate's expression remained empty as he listened to her. "I've been busy," he replied.

            Halia sized him up and after a moment asked, "What did she do?" Her eye's narrowed.

            Sighing he ran a hand over this face before responding. "Iyin didn't do anything." Halia was going to speak again but Nate cut her off. "You're sure you're alright?"  she nodded. "Okay.  I have to go.  I'll see you tonight." He closed the channel before she could respond.

            Eight hundred hours rolled around slowly on Voyager and the senior officers began their meeting right on time.  The official reports took too long in Harry's opinion.  He was only really interested in hearing about the lasted developments about Tom's situation.  It had taken him far longer than usual to fall asleep that night as his mind churned over the day's events.  Harry pulled attention back to the meeting as the subject changed

            "We've been through all of the social policies and we didn't find anything that will help us free Tom," Chakotay said to the group.

            "Can't we just buy his freedom, like he had said yesterday?" B'Elanna asked.

            Chakotay shook his head and responded. "You need to be a citizen of the Order to do that otherwise it could be considered buying a person or a slave, which is illegal in the Order."

            "They should take a long look at their entire society," Harry mumbled and the same thought echoed in the minds of all those whom were assembled.

            There was a long stretch of silence as they each formulated plans to free their comrade.  "Couldn't we just say that he's married and needs to return home?" Baytart asked.

            "Their marriage isn't recognized by the Order.  That's what our plan had been initially as well," the Captain said.  "Our only option other than taking him an running would be Tom buying his own freedom."

            "He won't do it," B'Elanna stated.  Her years with Tom had led to several discoveries and there was still a lot she didn't know about him.  One of things that she knew however, was that Tom would not back down on a promise.  He had never broken a promise to her or Harry and he would definitely not let down the woman he had been speaking of.

            "I know," Kathryn said, "but we're out of options."

            Nate had just closed the comm. channel and he sat back in his chair, hardly believing what he had just heard.  He was in the privacy of his office and he gave himself a quiet moment to reflect.  There had been so much uncertainty with the plan.  This was rarely ever done and doing it properly was essential because once she was gone, she would be on her own.  Contact between Saretti and Deneran citizens was rare unless they were in the armed forces.

            Nate inputted the correct comm. address and waited for the response.  There were more beeps than usual before a response came and Nate let out the breath he was holding when he saw Halia, alive and well.

            "What is it?" she asked.  Nate rarely called during the day.

            "It's set," he told her.

            At first she didn't know what he was talking about but then it hit her. "Are…are you sure?"  she stuttered.

            "I'm positive. This evening at eight, you need to go to the Patrol Board in our sector and give them your name and status number.  Everything will be set up.  All they'll need is your signature.  There's already a place set up for you and an account."  Tom smiled at her but it quickly turned to a frown when he noticed that Halia didn't look happy. "What?"

            She continued to look at him for several seconds before sighing. "Nate, take the credits and get out of here."

            "Halia-" Nate started but she interrupted.

            "Nate, you don't belong here!" she said. "You don't want to be here and now you have somewhere else to go! So go!"

            "Halia," Tom grumbled looking down.  Why did she have to argue this?  "If you don't take this opportunity, you'll regret it and so will I!  Besides, it's too late to back out now." Halia was going to protest again but Nate cut her off. "Halia please!  Just be there at eight."

            She observed him silently for several seconds before nodding.

            "Halia, it'll work out.  I promise.  I'll be fine,"

            "I know," she said smiling as she allowed herself to be happy.

            "I'll see you at eight." Tom said before signing off.  Halia nodded and sat there for minutes so happy that she couldn't move.  She and her child were going to be free tonight.  Her dream had finally come true.

            Tom's smile didn't last very long once the channel closed.  He was genuinely happy for Halia.  He may never be free of the Deneran social class but he would never want his daughter to grow up where he lived and so he was willing to put his own needs aside for somebody else. Still, he wished he could leave with her.

            Tom began to get up but he felt a tingling sensation on the back of his hands and knew what was coming.  He staggered towards the door but fell short as the pain caused paralysis.  He suffered silently through another episode.  He muscles spasmed painfully and his head ached, he stopped breathing and his heart rate became erratic.  The burning in his chest seemed to spread throughout his body until he lost awareness of his surroundings.

            "I'll get Nate and we'll meet you their," Fashi said to his subordinate.  Fashi walked briskly to Nate's office and knocked.  He waited for a response but none came.  He knew Nate was inside; he had seen him enter about half and hour earlier.

            Fashi keyed in his security override and opened the door.  "Nate!" he cried when he saw the man lying on the floor unmoving.  He kneeled at his side and tried to rouse him.  "Nate, wake up!" he yelled.  Seeing that it was no use Fashi commed the emergency transporters and had Commander Nate relocated to the medical centre.  Unsure of the lines of communication between Voyager and Iyin, Fashi felt that he should inform them of what happened.  He knew that Nate's condition was serious and if Nate really was one of them, then they might have something that could help.

            Dr. Unjabi, was called immediately when Nate arrived.  His condition was deteriorating quickly and they would need help to save him.  It was the attack that the Voyager physician had warned about, the one they had hoped would never happen.  If they couldn't find away to stop the massive brain damage being caused, Nate would be dead in less than an hour no matter ho hard they tried.

            On Voyager, the viewscreen had just gone blank as they finished talking to Fashi, the head of security of the fleet.  He had informed them of Nate's episode; the worst one he had ever seen, he described it.  Janeway commed the Doctor just another transmission came to Voyager.

            "Captain Janeway, Nate is dying.  I'll need the help of your doctor to have any chance of saving him," Unjabi said without preamble.

            "We'll send him down immediately." Janeway said and Unjabi promptly cut the transmission and went back to her patient. "Did you get that Doctor?" Janeway asked knowing that the comm. between the bridge and sickbay had been open the entire time.

            "Yes, Captain. I'm ready to go." The Doc said as he grabbed the last hyposprays and vial that he would need.

            "Good.  Lieutenant Kim, transport the Doctor directly to the medical centre."

            "Aye Captain," Kim said and went to work. "It's done.  The Doc's on the planet."

            Janeway nodded to Harry and then turned to her second in command.  Somebody needed to tell B'Elanna and nobody wanted to break the news to her.  B'Elanna had put in a request to go see Tom again but they had yet to get a response from the Saretti.

            "Captain," Harry interrupted their thoughts, "I'll tell her," he said solemnly.  Kathryn nodded and Harry left the bridge.

            Harry walked in to main engineering and looked for B'Elanna.  He quickly spotted her near the warp core and went over.  She gave him a quick hello before going back to work.  Harry came to engineering every so often, so she thought nothing of his unexpected appearance.

            He stood next to her for a few seconds trying to decide what to say. "Harry, what is it?" she asked after he had been standing their quietly.

            "Let's go to your office," Harry said softly.  B'Elanna conceded and followed him in.  

            "What's wrong?" she asked.

            Harry stared at the floor for a few seconds before making eye contact with her.  "It's Tom," he said and watched as she sharply inhaled.  He stepped closer to her and continued explaining.  "He's had another episode and…. He…."

            "No," she whispered.  She took a step backwards.

            "The doc has gone to help but….I'm so sorry, B'Elanna-"

            "No." B'Elanna interrupted him.  She stepped passed him and went for the exit. Harry ran after her.

            "Where are you going?" Harry asked as he followed her out of engineering. 

            "I have to be with him."

            B'Elanna forced her way between two officers that were coming at them from the opposite direction. Harry briefly apologized before running after B'Elanna again.

            "B'Elanna, stop." Harry moved in front of her blocking her path.

            "Harry I need to go to him."

            "The Doctor's already there.  He's going to help Tom.  All we have to do is wait."  B'Elanna looked at the grey floor for a minute trying to collect her thoughts but gave up and proceeded to walk past Harry.  She didn't know where she was going but she knew she had to be alone.  If Tom died, being alone is something she imagined she'd have to get used to.

            Harry watched her go, unsure whether or not he should follow.  He sighed and head back to the bridge.  He too would be waiting for any updates on Tom's condition.  He wanted to do something, help B'Elanna and help his best friend but Tom was getting the help he needed and B'Elanna needed to be alone right now.  Sometimes that hardest thing to do, is to do nothing.

            Back on the planet Fashi walked into the meeting that had been called.  Fashi had been informed of the meeting just a few minutes earlier and was going to inform Nate when he found him unconscious.  Taking his place at the large table, he noted the presence of the Vodierre. She rarely came to the security meetings unless there was something very big happening.

            "Where is commander Nate?" Iyin asked the head of security.

            Fashi wondered whether or not to tell Iyin what little he knew of what was happening to Nate. "He's unable to make the meeting for medical reasons.  I'll brief him on this meeting as soon as he is ready."

            Iyin held her tongue and the meeting began.  According to the Military surveillance probes, there was a small planet called Osikar, near the outskirt of the Fourth Order that was under attack.  The attackers were part of a group of a large group of smugglers and slave traders that operated in and around the Order.  Despite continued efforts to shut them down it was a slow process.  They rarely raided colonies of the Order but such a small and well-resourced settlement so far away from the homeworld was a good target for the smugglers.

            "Fleet Arriah 9 is our first choice for this mission.  The ships have all been through a refit and will be best able to take on the smugglers.  We've already sent our nearest vessels to aid the settlers but they'll need back up." The Chief Officer said.

            Fashi and the other officers of fleet Arriah 9 nodded.

            "Who will be in command?" Iyin asked.

            "We probably won't disembark from the hangar for about and three and a half while we assemble our officers.  If he's not ready by then, Isam or I will be in command."

            The holo-Doc and Dr. Unjabi stepped away from their patient as he regained consciousness.  They gave him some room to regain his bearing before addressing him.

            "Where am I?" Nate asked as he looked around.  The bright overhead lights made seeing anything a challenge but his eyes soon adjusted to the light.

            "Nate, you're in the medical centre.  You had another episode." Nate was silent for a long moment as he tried to recall what had happened.  "Don't be alarmed if you don't remember," Unjabi tried to assure him.  Nate looked past her and noticed a man in a black and blue uniform behind her.  Tom quickly sat up nearly regretting when his vision began to spin.  After it passed he looked at the man again.  He was strangely familiar.

            "Do you remember me Tom?"

            "Doc? Why are you here?" Nate asked when he recalled the past couple of days.  The Doc gave Unjabi a worrisome glance before looking apologetically at Tom.  "What?" Nate asked, fearing the worst.  "Am I going to die in a day or something?  What is it?"

            "Tom, we had to perform the procedure to save you," the Doctor told him.

            There was a pause as Nate took in the information. "So I'll never remember anymore of my past?"

            "I'm sorry, Nate," Unjabi said laying her hand on his forearm.

            "Can I leave?" Tom asked as he shakily stood up.

            "We'd like you to stay for a few days, for observation," Unjabi said but Tom ignored her.

            "I'm leaving," Nate said.  He grabbed his tunic from the foot of his bed and headed for the door.  He needed some time and so they just watched him leave.

            Before Tom could make it out of the complex his head of security on the fleet found him. "Nate, I was just coming to see you." Fashi didn't receive a response.  "Are you alright?"

            "Fine.  What did you want?" Tom asked.  There was a slight sheen of sweat on his brow and his breaths were coming too rapidly but Fashi responded.

            "I came to inform you that we have an urgent mission."

            After being briefed Tom met with the Vodierre.  He knew that after undergoing a major medical procedure it was procedure for an officer to be given a brief medical leave but Nate had a feeling that he would not be granted it in this instance.

            His requests always went through the Vodierre no matter how trivial they may seem.  Outwardly, he appeared to be fine but the Nate always tried to internalize what he was feeling and thinking, only sharing it with those he trusts, and Iyin was not on his short list.  

            "Do you want to visit the woman on Voyager again?  It that it?" Iyin asked, throwing the padd across the room.

            "Vodierre, I'm simply informing you that if sent into the conflict I will not be at my best and I may be a danger to others."  His voice carried a sharp tone that he had never directed at Iyin before.

            "You don't look sick to me," Iyin said giving him a once over.  She noticed that gold band on his left ring finger and wondered why he never removed it.  Banishing the stray thought from her head she looked back at the fleet Commander.

            "You're medical leave has been denied, report to your fleet at once."

            Nate left silently after being dismissed.  Iyin was, as always, angry at Nate for no good reason and wanted to punish him.  If that meant sending him into a fight which he may not live through then so be it.  He didn't deserve her sympathy.

            Captain Janeway watched on the viewscreen as the fleet Arriah 9 left the planet and jumped to warp, Tom in command.  What was he thinking?  What were any of them thinking?  Tom had just undergone a medical procedure and was in no condition to be in command of an entire fleet.

            "That's familiar," Chakotay mumbled to himself. Janeway looked at him unsure of what he meant.  "Itching to get out of sickbay, ignoring the Doctor's orders…"

            "True." Janeway turned to Lt. Kim. "Have we received permission from the Saretti to leave yet?"  she asked.

            "Not yet Captain."  Of course the Saretti knew that when Voyager requested to leave what they meant was that they wanted to follow the fleet.  Not only did Iyin not want Voyager taking Nate but Voyager's presence in the conflict would be a distraction for Nate and put everyone in danger.

            After several long minutes of waiting, they were hailed and Minister Persel addressed the Captain. He informed her that Voyager was free to leave however they were not allowed to head towards the conflict.  They were however also free to wait in orbit for the fleet's return.  That could be anywhere from one day to a week or more depending on what happened.

            The Voyager didn't seem to have much of a choice. They couldn't just abandon Tom, so they decided to wait.  The crew was still allowed down the planet and visit some planets within the system so the wait was made more bearable, for some.

            "Harry…" B'Elanna nearly growled and Harry wondered how quickly he could make it to the door if B'Elanna got violent.

            "I'm just saying that you need to relax a little.  I hear the second moon of the third planet is really nice," he suggested.

            "How can you think of vacationing? Tom's out there in the middle of a war and he may not come back!"

            "You don't think that I know that?  B'Elanna, I just want to help.  I don't know what else to do.  If I'm not here bothering you then I'm in the holodeck beating the hell out of a holo-character in a combat sim Tom designed or I'm pacing my quarters!"  Harry got up from the chair he was in but didn't know where he was going to go.  He just needed to move; to do something to keep his mind occupied.

            "I'm sorry, Harry," B'Elanna said after a pause of silence.  She shifted on the couch so that she could see the viewport and the stars beyond as she and Harry shared several minutes of awkward silence.

            Several light years away, the battle was in full force.  Despite the hails there was no response from the colonists on the planet.  There had been nearly ten thousand of them, hopefully they were still well but the sensors had been damaged in the battle along with several other systems and the only way to find out whether or not they were okay was to go down there.  

            Nate, Fashi and several security officers transported down in waves and the destruction before them froze each man and woman in their place.  Much of the earth was charred black and only scorched remains of objects and buildings could be seen.  They split up into different groups and began their search.  There was still much fighting occurring on the surface as stubborn settlers and even more stubborn thieves fought for the resources and valuables.

            With the help of the security forces, the smugglers were being subdued but the price was sometimes high.  The smugglers had little to loose and most chose to take down as many people with them as possible.

            Nate was leading one group of officers through the remains of the small city staying aware of any sound or movement around him.  There were plenty of good places for people to hide.

            Weapons fire seemed to come out of nowhere and the officers ducked behind anything that could provide shelter and fired back even if they couldn't see their target.  As he fired from around the fallen debris that provided protection Nate created a quick plan. "Cover me," he said to the young officer whom he shared the hiding spot with.

            Before the other man could respond Nate sprinted to the side of a dilapidated building narrowly missing being shot.  He disappeared from the site of his comrades as he went around the back of the building.

            The other officers waited for what seemed like an eternity for their Commanding officer to return, when in actuality it was only a few minutes.  Suddenly the enemy fire ceased and faint sounds of a struggle in the distance was replaced with the whine of a disruptor.

            The smuggler slammed the thick handle of the disrupter against the side of Nate's head momentarily stunning the officer.  He raised his weapon to shoot but Nate still had the presence of mind to try and move out of the way.  The blast caught him in his side but he had avoided the brunt of it.  Quickly pointing his weapon, Nate fired and the other man fell to the ground unconscious.

            His breath was coming much faster and his hands began to tremble as his control began to slip.  He was so tired and felt numb, almost as if he was sleep walking.  "Commander," someone addressed him but Nate did not respond.  "sir?"  A hand on his shoulder cleared some of the haze from his mind and he refocused on the task at hand.  He had to finish this if nothing else.

            "Secure him and get him back to our ship," Nate said.

            "Aye sir," the officer responded.  Nate watched for a minute as the smuggler was shackled and before moving off with the rest of his group.  There was still a lot more work to do.

            Day and night they scoured the surface for the colonist and smugglers.  They had been there for nearly three days and had only been allowed a few scant hours of sleep a night and for other they could not waste time with sleep no matter how badly their body craved it.

            Fashi pressed a hypo to Nate's neck and the bleary blue eyes became more alert. "Thanks," Nate mumbled.

            "I don't know how long we can go on like this," Fashi said as he seated himself on a chair.  They had made their ground base in what had been the colony's main building.  It was the sturdiest and had best survived the conflict.  It was also large enough to house the officers in shifts and the colonist while they waited to be transported off the planet.

            "We continue for as long as it takes," Nate said, sounding strong despite his fatigue.

            Fashi nodded.  "How many are still missing?"

            "One hundred eight-two, forty-three presumed dead."

            Fashi shook his head "I'm not willing to give up on any of them." Fashi declared softly.

            Nate smiled and nodded his head in agreement.  Fashi, despite his cool nature had always treated Nate with respect and while Fashi may never admit it, he and Nate were friends.  Fashi had kept himself up to date with what had happened between the Commander and the Voyager's.  He didn't know of everything that had happened, like the genetic test that had proved Nate was actually Tom Paris but, he could easily see that Nate didn't belong here.  As much as he'd miss the presence of his witty friend, he didn't deserve to die fighting for people that cared little for him.

            "Fashi, get some rest," Nate said as he flipped through another padd.  He had been speaking to the Saretti man but Fashi failed to respond to him.  Nate placed the padd down and looked at the other man.  Fatigue clearly evident in his features and the same ones no doubt on his own but he had to continue.  "I need you at your best."

            Fashi was about to protest but when his mind was too sluggish to come up with a viable excuse he nodded.  Watching silently as Nate put on his protective gear and armed himself.  Fashi then and there made it his duty to make sure that Nate made it safely home; safely to Voyager.

            "Any word from the fleet?" Iyin asked Minster Persel.

            "One report an hour ago from Fleet Commander Nate.  They've secured the surrounding space but there are still many missing citizens and even more smugglers still reaping havoc on the planet."  He watched Iyin carefully for a reaction.

            She almost felt sorry for Nate.  Being stuck in the middle of such a hopeless battle against a ruthless enemy.  It was his fault though.  He shouldn't have betrayed her.  He shouldn't have rejected her.

            "Inform Captain Janeway.  I'm sure she would like to know that her lieutenant is still alive." Iyin quickly left.  It seems that she had accepted the Nate was part of the Voyager crew but she had staked her claim and when he returned, she'd send Voyager on their way without him.

            Captain Janeway read the short report that Minister Persel had sent.  She sighed and placed in on her desk.  It was vague and didn't tell her anything she didn't already know, still she had to update the senior staff.  She wasn't sure how many more times she could face the hopeful gazes of Harry and B'Elanna.  Despite their hopes, they had not received and much on Tom's state and it was tearing at all of them not knowing.  

            "Janeway to Senior Staff, report to the Conference room in ten minutes," Kathryn said trying to keep her voice steady.  Once the channel was closed she sighed again.  Ten minutes; that should give her enough time to collect her thought and deal with her own fears.  When Tom had been thought dead, she too had lost a friend and a loyal officer.  She didn't want to face the prospect of loosing him again.

            Fashi only slept for about two hours.  While it was a well deserved break, he still had much to do.  In the relatively short time that he had been asleep, much had happened.  Nate's fleet had left and come back, bringing several colonists with them.  According to one of the officers most of the group was in the infirmary getting injuries taken care of and so Fashi headed there looking for Nate.

            The infirmary was busy with new patients.  By the looks of it the battle had been terrible.  Maybe they were ambushed, Fashi thought.  Most of Nate's squadron was there but Fashi couldn't find Nate.  He walked through the aisles seeing the inured soldiers and civilians but no Nate.

            "Private," Fashi addressed one of the soldiers that had been part of Nate squad, "Where is Commander Nate?"

            "I don't know sir.  Some of the squadron was separated in the fight and Commander Nate instructed the rest of us to return with the civilians back to base."

            Fashi gave the officer a brisk nod before leaving.  He checked with the roster and found that only Nate and one other officer were still missing.  Originally seven were missing but they had slowly trickled back to the base one by one.

            Fashi suited up and joined the next squadron that was heading out in the general direction he believed that Nate's crew had gone.  It was a small squad heading out this time.  With Fashi, they numbered only seven and they were heading into a battle with criminals and cut-throats that out numbered them three to one.

            As they took the ground transport to their target they saw explosions in the distance followed seconds later by the low rumbled it had produced.  The air was laced with smoke and the sky had been scorched to a dark grey.  Only a few stray rays of light peeked through the clouds giving the soldiers the only glimmer of hope on the desolate battlefield.

            He'd never been here before and Fashi couldn't imagine what this place had been like before the carnage.  They had made it to the core of the confrontation and this is where this small war would be won or lost.  Fashi shot down another smuggler before quickly shielding himself behind what was left of a monument to the original colonists.  He sighed as he changed the power-cell of the rifle with a fresh one.  They'd been out here for nearly twelve hours and there was still no sign of the Fleet Commander.  Fashi hoped to all the deities that Nate was well or else he had already failed in his self-appointed mission.

            A crackled transmission came in on Fashi's communicator.  'Reincforcements…. Arriving… immediate aerial assault…all forces seek shelter….'  Fashi relayed his message to the squadron and they retreated back a few hundred meters.  They waited for several minutes but nothing happened.  The longer they were out there the more likely they would be found by their enemies and killed.

            What's taking them?  Fashi asked himself over and over again.  Suddenly another jumbled message came through and all the officers listened carefully, hoping for some sort of explanation.

            '….irradiated atmosphere… unable to target….require…. energy signature for lock…..' Nothing more came through.  The other officers looked to Fashi for an answer not understanding what had been said.

            Fashi looked around why couldn't they get a lock?  He had never been much of a scientist and he didn't understand why th e ships in orbit couldn't establish a lock.  He watched as one of the officers removed a spent energy core from his weapon and it hit him.  These weapons have a long range and on the right setting can cause a lot of damage. The energy source of the weapon however is not atomically stable and while the radiation is harmless to humanoids it causes havoc to some systems; communications and targeting sensors in particular.  The atmosphere of the planet, especially in this area was no doubt concentrated with the radiation particles and so the vessels in orbit could not get a good fix on the enemy target.  They needed some sort of large disturbance to light up their enemies and make them easy targets.

            "Scope," Fashi said holding out his hand.  One of the officers handed him the device and Fashi scanned the area looking for anything that could help them; any sort of mineral deposit that could emit and energy signature, or some chemical waste that could be ignited.  The colony was rich in resources and refining those resources required many chemicals and highly reactive compounds.

            "Perfect," Fashi said as he spotted some large canisters near where the smugglers had set their front. They were likely not aware of what was in the canisters and were therefore ignorant to the dangers that lurked right in front of them.  Before Fashi could get out his weapon to try and ignite the compounds he saw a form start running towards them.  The man bore one the Saretti infantry uniforms and Fashi ordered his soldiers to provide the man with cover fire as the smugglers noticed one of their enemies and began shooting.

            Just as the man was about a third of the way across the stretch the smugglers suddenly turned their fire away from the Saretti soldier to someone within their bunker.  Fashi focussed the scope there and zoomed in hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever was happening.  He saw someone move swiftly through the bunker but before he could see anything more he was nearly blinded as the canisters of chemicals and exploded and in brilliant display of light and energy.

            The clouds were illuminated to shade of blue as the canisters combusted releasing intense light and energy.  The Saretti squadron had to look away and shield there eyes from the onslaught of light.

            "What happened?" one of the Saretti officers asked as the blast faded somewhat.  The other Saretti soldier had just made it back to them and Fashi immediately began interrogating him.

            "What were you doing over there?  Is there anyone else?"

            The young man managed to respond while he tried to catch his breath.  "A group of us were separated from the squadron during a gas attack." He took a few more breaths before continuing. "Commander Nate, went after us and the others managed to get to safety but he and I were stuck behind enemy lines and couldn't risk moving."

            "Is he still there?" Fashi asked as he used the scope to check for signs of the Commander.

            "He was," the officer said sadly as he moved next to Fashi to look over the large piece of debris that served as their cover.  "We got a transmission that said an indicator was needed for the other ships and so we made one.  He ordered me to make a run for cover while he set it off."

            Fashi silently scanned the enemy front looking for Nate but there was little motion on the other side.  The canisters of chemical still burned bright releasing massive amounts of thoron radiation into the atmosphere.

            A movement in what Fashi thought was debris caught his attention and slowly a man stood up and began towards them.  He knew it was Nate.  Fashi was getting up to go and help his friend when suddenly weapons fire pierced through the clouded sky, raining fire on the enemy camp.  Dust and debris was kicked into the air as craters form the weapons indented the planets surface.

            "Tell them to call off the attack!" Fashi ordered to the comm. officer with them.

            "I can't!  There's too much thoron interference."

            Blast continued to impound the enemy camp leaving hardly a square meter of ground unscathed.   Within it all Nate tried to stay on his feet and make it to safety.  A blast a hit the ground a few meters away hurtled him several meters before he crashed to the ground.  Surprisingly he felt little pain and without a second thought he clamoured to his feet and continued to make his escape.

            "I see him!" one officer yelled.  The entire squadron watched helplessly as their commanding officer tried to dodge the powerful weapon-fire and he nearly succeeded.  He was running towards them.  The group of Saretti didn't know if Nate saw them but he was heading right for them.

            Suddenly, as if in an effort to halt all movement in the area the last bolt struck directly in front of Nate.  In the blast of dirt and debris it caused, nobody could tell if Nate had survived.  Just as suddenly as it had started it ended.  The fire from above ceased and only the sound of crackling fires as they engulfed every last piece of fuel was heard.

            Nobody could have survived they thought as they approached the scene.  The ground still smoked and the air was thick with dust reducing their field of vision to only a few meters in front of them.  They stepped over numerous corpses, saddened that it had come to this but they had no other choice.  Kill or be killed.  What they thought would be a small battle had escalated into a small war and the Saretti had come out the victors, if you could call this victory.

            "This is no victory," Fashi said to himself as he crouched down to check if one of the smugglers had survived but he too was dead.  Fashi moved on, slowly checking the ground, looking for any sign that Nate had survived.  He could feel the warmth of the ground through his boots as he stepped on the ashes and he smelt the foul congregation of odours that only death could concoct.  Still there was not sign of Nate.

            He didn't know what had happened he remember running; trying to get away and then suddenly there was a bright streak of light in front of him.  There was nothing after that except the sensations of awareness slowly falling on him.

            He was face down in the dirt covered from head to toe with ashes and soot, blending in perfectly to his surroundings.  His senses began to return to him as did control over his body.  Slowly he moved from his position.  He coughed the dust out of his lungs but the foul taste remained in his mouth.  He rolled onto his side and stared out at the smoke.  His sight had not returned to him entirely but there was not much to see in any case.

            He managed to move into a sitting position and he rested his arms on top of his knees, waiting.  For what, he wasn't sure but he was too tired to care.  He mind was sluggish after receiving such a jolt and Nate had no desire to do anything, so he waited.

            The dust settled and the air started to clear.  So far the small band of Saretti had only found two survivors, both of them smugglers.  Fashi stopped at the edge of the burnt expanse.  Nate must not have made it, he thought to himself.  Slowly he turned around and surveyed the damage.  He doubted that in his lifetime would he ever see this land restored to its original beauty.  He doubted whether he would ever want to come back here.

            His sullen troops continued with their duties looking for survivors.   They had long past the location where commander Nate had laid, missing his form in the poor visibility that had hindered their initial search but when Fashi looked back he saw a form just sitting on the small rise, perfectly still.

            Fashi sprinted to the man hoping all hopes that it was Nate and he would not be disappointed.  His lungs burned as he forced himself to inhale the polluted air but his attention was elsewhere.  He finally reached Nate and crouched next to him.

            "Nate!"  There was not response.  "Please, say something," Fashi pleaded.  Nate remained seated frozen as thought time itself had paused.  His once golden hair was saturated with ash colouring it black. His usually fair face was contrasted with the dark soot that now covered most of it and his eye still mirrored the colour of the sky, they were grey as though something in him had died.

            "How many civilians missing?" Nate rasped.

            "None, they've all been accounted for," Fashi replied glad to here that at least some of the man had survived.  "Are you in pain?"

            "Probably," Nate responded softly.  He didn't move and his eyes remained fixed on some distant point.  Fashi guessed the Nate was in shock.  So much had happened to him in such a short time and he imagined that everybody would react the same way.  Nate shakily stood up and looked around.  "Call them back.  Let's get out of here," Nate said, referring to the other soldiers.  His voice was weak but the command tone was still there.

            "You know you can't keep this up," Fashi stated.  Nate was too tired to respond. "Between your duties, your friend Halia, Iyin and now Voyager, you're on the road to an early grave. I might add, one you narrowly missed today."

            "I do what I have to," Nate said trying to walk away but his steps faltered as he was made aware of his injuries.  Sensations in his limbs were returning and he began to feel the pain.

            "You need to get back to Voyager," Fashi said.

            Nate face him. "Why? So I can return to a life that I have no memory of?  What good does that do?"

            "You don't belong here," Fashi reasoned. He thought Nate would want to leave.  He heard about Nate having a family on the ship and though he doesn't remember Fashi still held hope that Nate might regain his memories.  

            "I don't belong anywhere, Fashi!  Here I'm destined to live out my life serving the Fourth Order and on the Voyager I was a traitor, a convict and failure!  I can't go back there."

            "Where did you hear that?" Fashi asked.

            Tom looked away for a moment closing his eyes when it caused a pain in his neck. "Iyin gave me my file from Voyager."

            "I can't believe that those things are true," Fashi said but when Nate looked at him with his somber grey eyes he knew that he spoke the truth. "There must have been some reason…"

            "Well it's not in my file, I can't remember it and something tells me I don't want to,"

            "Did you read all of the file?"

            "I read enough of it," Nate said turning away.  "I don't want to be Tom Paris."

            "You'd rather be Fleet commander Nate?" Fashi asked knowing that Nate didn't have an answer.  The only reason he was Nate was because he didn't have choice.  Now that he has one he won't make it so Fashi chose to make it for him.

            "Get the squad.  We need to head back to base," Nate said tiredly as he slowly walked away.  He tried to walk normally but there was still a slight limp.  With his back to Fashi he did not see what happened to suddenly paralyse him.

            He felt a hand at the base of his neck applying a slight pressure before it was released.  His last bit of strength began to desert him and he felt himself collapsing.  A pair of arms gently lowered him to the ground and Nate stared up at Fashi.

            "What…." He managed to croak out.

            "I'm sorry its come to this my friend but I can't let you make this mistake.  This is your only chance to be free of this life."

            "No… I…." Nate didn't have the strength to protest though the look in his eyes was enough to send the message.

            "You have a family on Voyager; a wife and child on the way," Fashi reminded him.  A slight smile crossed his features as he continued to weaken.  Things seemed so much simpler and clearer now.  Many of his doubts had been erased temporarily from his mind, enough for him to recall what he had discovered about his family and friends on Voyager.

            Fashi watched as the Nate slowly faded into unconsciousness.  "I hope one day you'll thank me for this, even if you don't understand."        

            "Let's move out." Fashi ordered all traces of emotion again wiped from his face.

            "We can't just leave him here," an officer said and approached Nate's still figure.

            "Fleet Commander Nate died in the confrontation between Squadron 16 of fleet Arriah 9 and the smugglers.  Nate is dead.  There is only Lieutenant Tom Paris of the Starship Voyager," Fashi said and the officer understood.  They, as well as many other people were aware of the predicament Commander Nate was in.

            The officers nodded and despite the sour feelings they experienced with leaving the man who had been their commanding officer behind, they knew that he had somewhere else that he needed to be.           

            The tension on the bridge had reached epic levels as they watched ship after ship pass them by and return to the surface of the planet.  Captain Janeway sat in the command chair waiting for a communiqué from the surface.  They hadn't received any news about Commander and they were beginning to suspect the worst.  The turbolift doors slid open with a quiet hiss and B'Elanna stepped out.  She had been in main engineering when she was informed that the fleet was returning.  Leaving Carey in charge she came to the bridge.

            As each ship came in range Harry would scan it for human life-signs but so far he had not found any.  A ship that Harry recognized as the lead ship of fleet Arriah 9 was nearing sensor range and he informed the Captain.

            "Captain, the lead ship is approaching."

            Captain Janeway stood up and headed towards Harry's station.  "Are they in sensor range?"

            "Not yet," Harry said.  The bridge crew waited for the ship to come within range and when it did Harry immediately scanned it.  He checked the readings twice before reporting the grim news.  "No human life-sign on board."  He said.

            "Are you sure?" B'Elanna asked him. Harry could only nod in response.

            "This is the last ship," Harry informed.  Captain Janeway walked slowly back to her chair as the news sunk in, but before it could sink too deep they wee hailed by the lead ship.

            Fashi's image appeared on the screen and he looked to the Captain.  "Nate is not here," he told them.

            Janeway nodded, "We know." She said with disappointment.

            "There is something of yours on Osikar." Fashi said.  "Don't leave without him."

            Fashi stared at her intently making sure that his message was understood. 

            "Thank you," Janeway said to him.

            "Safe journey," Fashi said before closing the channel.

            Janeway turned to Kim. "Send a message to the Fourth Order that we're leaving."

            "Aye Captain," Harry said.  He wasn't entirely sure of the meaning of Fashi's words but if Tom was on Osikar, or even his remains, then that's where they had to go.

            "Set a course for Osikar, maximum warp," Janeway ordered to Baytart.

            "New heading, 184 mark 4,"

            "Engage."

            Voyager jumped to warp and flash of light and sped towards the now abandoned planet, save for one sole individual who remained.

            On the Saretti homeworld, Minister Persel walked into Iyin's office and found her sitting at her desk simply staring at it.  "Voyager has left," he informed her.  After a few moments Iyin acknowledged the information with a nod but remained locked in her thoughts.

            She had recently been informed that Commander Nate had died on Osikar and the guilt was nearly enough to break her.  She had sent him to his death.  It was her fault.  She wanted him to suffer; wanted him to love her but she had imposed her will on him far too often and this time he paid the ultimate price for her selfish actions.  "What have I done?" She whispered to herself and buried her face in her hands.

            Minister Persel regarded her for a few moments wondering what she was thinking and hoping that maybe she had learnt a lesson.  Unfortunately an innocent man had to die for her so see her error.

            Halia checked the database every two minutes looking for Nate's name on the list of survivors.  She hadn't mustered the courage to look at the list of the deceased.  Nate hadn't been there when she left her Deneran status.  There were no problems with the move.  Her new place was beautiful and she was well provided for thanks to Nate's clever thinking but he was still missing and thus a part of her was missing as well.  

            Halia once again searched the list of survivors for Nate's name but it did not come up.  A note at the bottom confirmed that this was the complete list of survivors.  With unsteady hands Halia went to the list of deceased and almost immediately her eyes found Nate on the list.

            Salty tears flowed from her eyes as she stared at his name, reading it over and over again.  Nate, Fleet Commander: Killed In Action.  

            Halia hit the console in rage.  It wasn't supposed to end like this.  Nate was supposed to come back and then go home to Voyager.  She wanted to break everything.  She wanted to scream but knew none of it would bring him back.  The tears blurred her vision as she walked to her bed.  She buried her face in a pillow and cried.

            "You promised," she sobbed.  "You promised everything would work out."

End Chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Into the Arms of Strangers

Author: Zappy Zaps

Category: Drama/Action/Adventure P, P/T

Summary:  An officer who had gone MIA six months earlier is found in an alien order serving on their security force but has no memory of anything prior to six months ago.  His new life is also plagued with new responsibilities, duties and promises.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: All the Star Trek characters are Paramount's.  I don't own them (yet). ;)

Archiving: Please do, but tell me! zappyzaps@hotmail.com

Author's note: I had to try and amnesia/loss of memory story, just for fun! ;-)

Dec02/Jan03

Chapter 4

            The image of the scorched planet on the viewscreen didn't do justice to the events that had occurred there only hours earlier.  Voyager pulled into orbit as scans of the surface began.  There was an unusually high concentration of thoron particle but it was not at a dangerous level.

            "I've found him Captain," Harry said, nearly jumping in excitement.  "Initiating transport," which was rather difficult due to the particles in the atmosphere but he succeeded, sparing an away to team the horrendous sights of a war that was only a loss.

            "He's in sickbay," Harry announced.  B'Elanna smiled at him briefly as she headed for the turbolift, Janeway on her heals.  Harry would have joined them but knew that he had to finish his duties on the bridge.  He could handle a bit of a wait.  They had gotten Tom back and things would be better now, right?

            The Doctor scanned his patient again feeling almost happy that he'd be the one treating Mr. Paris' future injuries.  Of course he'd be happier if Tom didn't injure himself at all but, that's probably too much to ask for.

            He administered a hypospray to the man's neck and began the process of putting him back together.  He had only just started when Torres and Janeway practically exploded through the entrance.  The doctor had been anticipating their arrival and already had a short oral report ready.  B'Elanna went right past him and to Tom's side as the Doctor informed them of Tom's numerous but thankfully not life-threatening injuries, including, three broken ribs, concussion, bruised kidney, fractured arm, weapons burn, smoke inhalation related traumas and some other cuts and bruises.

            "He'll make a full recovery though." The Doctor concluded when he remembered something else he wanted to inform them of.  "It appears Mr. Paris did not remain on the planet willingly." The Doctor said as he moved to show then what he meant.  Moving away a piece of the uniform he had already started to cut away, revealed a bruise in a very familiar position.  "It seems he was subdued in a manner similar to a Vulcan neck pinch, however, this method would have caused near instant paralysis and a slow loss of consciousness."

            "So Tom may have seen who rendered him unconscious," Janeway asked and the Doctor nodded.

            "My guess, it was most likely a friend."

            Halia received a small container of Nate's possessions the next day.  The objects had been cleared out of his locker and office and delivered to her address since her name was listed as his next of kin in Nate's file.  She sat on the edge of her bed and slowly opened the container wondering what she'd find inside.  There wasn't much, a few data padds, some data chips, a few items of clothing and a souvenir he had picked up on one of his earlier excursions.

            She looked through the data padd and at the bottom of the pile she found two interesting ones.  One was his file from Voyager and the other was a message addressed to her from Nate.  She pressed the button and his image popped up on the screen.

            "Hi Halia," he began with a smile.  "if you're watching this, then….well let's just say things haven't worked out as planned."  He looked off to the side for a moment before continuing.  "I guess I'm not much of a good luck charm and I'm sure you'll be fine without me." He smiled gently at her. "Thank you, Halia.  Tell your child that I'm sorry I didn't get to meet them.  Good luck and I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother."

            Halia had a mix of emotions in her and only found one worth identifying, anger.  She was angry at Nate, at herself, at the Security Forces, at his subordinate officers but mostly she was angry at Iyin.  Whenever something bad happened to Nate is was always her fault and Halia suspected that this time was no different.

            He awoke with a start in an unknown room.  The lights had been dimmed making seeing rather difficult but he managed.  The room was familiar and so was the feel of the bed but he didn't bother to try and understand his faint memories, there wasn't much of a point to trying now.  He examined his attire; grey shirt, black shorts, not what he last remembered wearing.

            Throwing the comfortable sheets off his legs he stepped onto the carpeted floor and treading softly and carefully, he moved to the next part of the room.  He recognized the room.  He had been here before when he had last visited Voyager.  These were his quarters, or so he was told.  He looked to the window where the stars streaked by providing sparse amounts of light softly shadowing the form lying on the sofa.

            For many minutes he didn't move.  He hadn't expected to see her again and now that he's gotten this chance, all thought left his head and he just stared.

            "B'Elanna," he breathed, unsure whether he should approach her.  The last time he had seen her was when he visited Voyager.  He approached her slowly and knelt at her side, wanting to touch her but fearing he'd wake her.  He gently grasped her hand and a few minutes later sleep claimed him once again.  He still had no idea what had happened to him but he was too tired to care.  He fell asleep with his head resting on the soft surface of the couch, his hand still grasping firmly his wife's.

            Hours later when he woke again feeling more alert his questions were answered, most anyway.  They updated him on what had happened, or at least what little they new.  Despite his favourable change of location, he was still conflicted.  There had been no euphoria when he learnt of his freedom and return to his family, only numbness fraught with doubt.

            "Tom, are you alright?" Kathryn asked him?  He was unusually quiet and introverted, but they might just have to change their conceptions of who Tom Paris is.  He had no doubt changed due to everything that had happened to him and lets not forget the small war on Osikar.

            Tom looked up at the auburn haired woman from where he was seated.  He nodded once and tried to return his attention to the small group of assembled officers.  Only Janeway, Torres and Tuvok were present.  They didn't want to overwhelm him so they had limited the number of people present.

            I suppose I'll have to get used to my new name, Tom thought.  So many thoughts were mixed up in his head that he wasn't sure he was alright but he would find a way to deal with it.  How he dealt with his new situation would, more than likely, not include seeking support or help from his new friends, which any counsellor would have advised him to do.

            The three stared at Tom wondering what was going through his head.  This morning Tom had seemed fine.  He had talked with B'Elanna, mostly about their daughter but his mood had bee so light and carefree that B'Elanna hadn't seen the sudden change of mood coming.  He was a little less talkative than she remembered but she was so glad to see him that she hadn't noticed

            Their conversation had been interrupted when the Captain asked them to meet her and Tuvok in the conference room.  At the sound of the Captain voice Tom had tensed as if he had remembered something that he would have rather ignored for as long as possible.  B'Elanna noticed this change and he became more distant as they walked through the corridors.

            People had greeted him and welcomed him back but Tom didn't now how to take it.  He responded politely to them, if he responded at all but by the time they got to the conference room, Tom had fully realised how out of place he was.  He couldn't still fit in with these people after all that he had lost, or so he had convinced himself.  He had also been making himself feel guilty about abandoning his duties to the Fourth Order.  He may not like it there but isn't it wrong of him to leave his responsibilities behind when they had trusted him, made him a part of their society, and more than that they had given him an identity?

            He didn't want to go back but he couldn't deny his feelings of guilt.  He couldn't quite explain it to himself.  He looked at the worried gazes directed at him.  He wouldn't be able to explain it to them either.  He sighed. "I need to send a message to some friends back…there," he said tiredly.

            "That would be unwise.  If they are made aware of your situation-"

            "What that I'm not dead?" Tom responded bitterly. Taking a deep breath he apologized. 'What's wrong with me?' he asked himself silently.

            "You can send them a message, Tom, but be careful.  If it leaks that you're here they may come looking," Janeway warned in a soft tone.

            Tom stood up from his seat, ready to leave. "I'll be careful Captain," Tom said as he left.  B'Elanna glanced at Tuvok and the Captain before following him to the lift.

            The next day Tom handed the messaged to Harry who would send them to the Fourth Order.  It would take about a day for the messages to reach their destination since they were moving away from it rapidly.  It also meant that Tom won't be able to get any replies to his messages.

            "I'll send it to for you right away," Harry said as he accepted the padd.

            "Thanks Harry," Tom said sounding rather tired.  He turned to leave without another word.  Harry watched him go, wondering if his friend would ever be the same.

            "Tom are you coming to bed?" B'Elanna asked, stifling a yawn.

            "Uh…"Tom was seated on the couch reading up on the helm controls.  As long as he was on Voyager he would have to be useful.  There was a lot for him to know but it provided and distraction from the rest of his life.  He was trying to distract himself from worrying where he was going to be sleeping that night.  Was he ready to sleep in the same bed as B'Elanna?

            "You can get your own quarters if you'd like," B'Elanna suggested.  She knew she wouldn't understand how Tom felt no matter how hard she tried.  She could barely understand him before but now he was hardly the same person so she'd have to get to know him all over again.  If it meant that they had to start at the beginning then she would.  There was a long stretch of silence as Tom contemplated his answer.  Before he could formulate one B'Elanna walked over to him.  She bent down and kissed him gently.  She had missed the feel of his lips on hers and his arms around her.  She had missed him more than anyone, even she, could have imagined.

            "Good night, Tom."

            Tom watched her silently walked to the bedroom and turn out the lights.  He wondered for the hundredth time whether he should have come back.  He couldn't see how things were going to work out. He imagined this was just one large mistake to add to the long list of ones he couldn't remember.

            B'Elanna woke up the next morning feeling better rested than usual.  She soon became aware of the warm body behind her and the arm around her.  She knew immediately it was Tom and smiled.  Things would work out somehow.  It had to.

            Duties carried on in their usual fashion.  The incident of Osikar was far from forgotten but they were all forced to move on.  Fashi, the new head of Fleet Arriah 9 sat in Nate's former office.  It had been emptied of Nate's possessions though he didn't have many.  Fashi sighed to himself hoping that Nate was fairing well.

            He was about to leave the seclusion of his new office when a message beeped on his computer.  It probably wasn't anything important but Fashi's curiosity got the better of him and he opened the message.  It was partially encrypted but a simple algorithm was enough for the message to be unlocked.

            Fashi nearly fell out of his chair when he saw who it was.  He had expected Nate to completely forget about the life he had in the Order and focus on his new one.  There was a large part of him that was glad that Nate hadn't forgotten him.

            There was little an expression on his face as he began. "Fashi..." there was a long pause and Fashi imagined that if Nate were here in person he would have knocked him into next week.  "You had no right to do what you did.  It was my choice to make.  I know now that I was about to make the wrong one, so I guess I owe you." 

            Fashi was expecting a 'thank you' but instead Nate changed the subject.  Nate proceeded to give him an update on his status on the ship.  It sounded to Fashi that Nate was having some trouble on Voyager but he was confidant that he would make it.

            "I've got to go." Nate said.  "I suppose you're wondering when I'm going to say thanks."  Fashi only waited but for many moments Nate just stared off to the side of the screen.  He looked back and a smile curved his lips. "Thank you, friend."

            Halia played the file over again her young daughter cradled gently in her arms.  She had given birth recently and been allowed to return home.  The baby was two week premature, the early labour possibly brought on by undue stress.  When she had arrived home there was a message waiting for her.

            She had ignored it for a very long time before something in her gave in and she opened it.  The message was decoded easily enough by her computer and she noticed that it wasn't a standard message.  It hadn't gone through the proper channels of communication and there was only one thing in it.

            Nate's face had appeared on the screen and Halia's heart hurt just seeing him.  At first she thought it was just an amendment to Nate's earlier message she had received but as she listened and took in his surroundings she soon knew better.  He was alive.

            The weight of a thousand worlds lifted from her shoulder and tears of joy threatened to fall as she listened to him speak to her.  He apologized again for not being there when she needed him but Halia felt that there was nothing to forgive.  Maybe for once Nate could work on keeping a promise to himself.  Just be happy….

            Weeks droned by on Voyager and Tom slowly got back into the swing of things.  He had a shift and Voyager's helm every so often but he had no intentions of taking his former position of chief helmsman.  There was still a near deafening urge to be at the helm but he knew he'd have to find another place to fit in on Voyager.

            Sickbay was a dead-end.  He couldn't remember enough of the training the doctor gave him to be of any use.  The Doctor was more than willing to have Tom as his assistant again and even more willing to retrain the man but Tom's frustration at his own sorry predicament swayed him from taking that path.  The only thing he had been useful for in the Fourth Order was commanding his fleet and here he didn't even have a shuttle of his own.

            He walked into his quarters dejectedly.  B'Elanna was asleep, taking an afternoon nap.  He gently kissed the top of her head before moving to the couch not far away.  He hadn't known what to expect when he first arrived here except for the tough times to come but he thought he'd be settled by now.  Nearly three weeks had passed and he was still an outsider.  The crew was friendly to him and they welcomed him but he needed something to anchor him, a routine to follow, he needed to find a way to live his life.

            "Any ideas?"  Kathryn asked not looking at her companion.

            She heard him sigh and glance up from the padd briefly.  "He liked to work in the hydroponics bay from time to time." Chakotay suggested.  "But it would be a waste of his true talents."

            "He has a lot of command experience; maybe I should be looking into replacing my first officer." She tried to hide her smile behind the padd but Chakotay snatched it out of her hand with a smirk on his face.

            "Threats at my job not withstanding, maybe we could use some help keeping Voyager running." He gestured to the stack of pads that lay strewn across her desk.

            "Tom never liked paper work," Janeway said but didn't totally disregard the idea.  The next sound in the room was of Captain Janeway's commbadge chirping.  "Janeway here."

            "Captain, I want to inform you that Lieutenant Torres will not be available for the next several hours," he said hurriedly.  In the background the heard muffled curses in Klingon.

            "Doctor what's wrong?" Janeway asked, concern in every word.

            "She's in labour. Oh, and Mr. Paris will not be available either."  The Doctor cut the link leaving Chakotay and Kathryn to stare at each other before they both started grinning like idiots.

            Many exhausting hours later sickbay was quiet.  The Doctor was in his office listening softly to some classical music. B'Elanna lay in an exhaustive sleep and Tom watched over her and the crew's newest member.

            He couldn't remember being so nervous or happy but then there were a lot of things he didn't remember.  At the moment that fact didn't bother him the way it had so many other times before.  He stared down at her trying to regain his grip on the situation.  The hours seemed to have slipped by in minutes.  A whirlwind of people had invaded sickbay to welcome the second child born on Voyager.  Only when the Doctor insisted that B'Elanna needed to get some rest had things slowed down.

            A small whimper from the baby brought Tom out of his thoughts.  She moved ever so slightly and was beginning to cry.  Without a second thought or even a first, he picked her up gently from her crib and cradled her lovingly in his arms.  She stopped crying before she had even barely started and Tom was glad to see that B'Elanna had not been woken.

            He whispered to her softly and gently rocked her back to sleep.  He couldn't take his eye off her.  She was so perfect, so small and so fragile.  She was totally dependent on her parents and Tom wondered if was ready for this.  He didn't know if most people could say that they were totally prepared to become parents but his situation was uncomfortably unique.

            He sat down in a nearby chair and gently rocked is daughter.  Somehow he felt more sure of himself and of his future.  It was lying in his arms, asleep.  Things would work out in time.  They always had.

            He gently stroked the soft tuft of hair on top of her head and whispered to her.  The soft words drifted to her waking her gently from her slumber.  She opened her eye but didn't move afraid to spoil the moment.

            "I love you," he whispered. "both of you." He glance up briefly to where his wife lay, in the dim light not noticing that she was awake.  They would be his anchor, his guiding star, his family.  He was home and no longer among strangers.

            She continued to watch them, all doubts in her mind erased.  The tears in her eyes perfectly matching the ones in his own.

Two Years Later….

            The Fourth Order was in a new state of being.  Things had changed so much that it was hard to comprehend.  Social classes were in the process of being removed, new prosperity had graced their lives and they had their leader to thank. A leader that many except the wealthy elite had despised, now revered by all.

            It was an understatement to say that she had learnt many valuable lessons when Nate had died the first and greatest was knowing when she was wrong and from their she had grown.  Iyin was no longer the spoiled child she had been.  She was the Vodierre they had hoped she would become.  Amending her mistakes and never failing to admit when she was wrong.

            Still his memory plagued her.  Tears still fell from her eyes when she recalled him and what she had done.  Guilt was her constant companion, until today.  She had her weekly visit with a friend; an unlikely friend at that.  She was a Deneran single mother of one but she had been Nate's dearest friend and when Iyin had changed her ways she knew the first person she needed to see was Halia, Nate's friend.

            Halia had felt nothing but abject hatred for Iyin but the other woman sincerity had slowly melted away the ice from her gaze and she became one of her trusted friends.  Halia now felt she needed to share something with Iyin.  A secret that only one other person besides her was aware of.

            During the visit while Iyin amused Halia's daughter, Halia retrieved a file.  Walking back into the living room Halia stared at Iyin.  The seriousness in her eyes made the smile on Iyin's face vanish.

            Halia sent her daughter to play in her room while she talked with their guest.

            "I trust you enough now to share this with you." Halia handed her the datachip.

            Her face was a mystery as she tentatively accepted the chip.  "What is it?"

            "The truth."

            Glancing between the small data wafer and the woman who had given it to her Iyin got up and went to the computer.  With slow and deliberate movements she instructed the computer to open the single file on the wafer.

            His handsome face faded onto the screen and Iyin looked away briefly unable to hold his gaze even if he wasn't really there.  Halia hadn't moved.  She stood a safe distance away watching.  An angelic smile crossing her face as she thought about Nate.

            The file played through and ended the screen going black.  She stared at it.  Her reflection in the dark surface staring back at her.  Tears flowed unobstructed down her face.  She began to sob, softly at first but each one after shaking her body.  She hung her head down and brought her hands to her face.

            She knew now he was still alive and the guilt receded but did not disappear.  She couldn't forgive herself for what she had done despite the outcome.  She would never have the chance to apologize to him, tell him how sorry she was and it was those missed opportunities that hurt the most. She had squandered the precious moments she had been presented with Nate and she was the only person to blame.

            Halia left the room leaving the Vodierre alone with her new knowledge and her new grief.  A part of her smiled but the tears on her face told another story.

Meanwhile on Voyager….

            "Two years," the Doc said to himself.  "My how things have changed."  The doors slid shut behind his colleague leaving the doctor alone in Sickaby.  

            Tom Paris, former Lieutenant Paris, former Fleet Commander Nate was now Doctor Paris.  Tom still had to take the final tests required for him to become a fully licensed doctor but the Doc knew that would be done in a matter of time.  Tom would be a phenomenal doctor, comparable to the holodoc himself, although he'd never admit it.  The Doctor was looking forward to the more frequent time off when Tom covered Sickbay.  However, even his medical studies could not keep him from the helm.  His soul still ached for the freedom that piloting Voyager brought.  His one shift per week at the helm would usually not be enough but before flying had been the only thing that had given him a feeling of self-worth.  Now his small family filled that void.  Every time he looked into his daughter's eyes he was reminded of what he had gained.

            Looking at the doors that Tom had just left through to go see his daughter now that his shift was over, the holodoc wondered what the future might hold for Tom.  He hoped it would be far less distressing than the last ordeal.  What he had discovered today however may change some things, maybe for better or maybe for worse.

            The Doctor walked into his office calling for his log as he did.  He spoke to the computer that recorded his every word.

            "The latest scans of my colleague reveal that his cerebral cortex is again undergoing neuro-genesis but unlike two years ago the rate is far slower and thus more easy for his body to accommodate."  The Doctor sat in his chair and leaned back. "I've been expecting this for sometime.  I had always known that Tom Paris was a smarter man than he lead people to believe but the rate at which he memorized and comprehended the medical information he was given was astounding.  Much of it was a review from his earlier, forgotten training and therein lay the answer.  Information and situations that Tom had experienced before his memory loss seemed to more often guide his judgements these past years and make relearning those things far more rapid.  I hadn't noticed it at first but the remarks, sometimes his attitude and the way he treated others without judging them, all reminiscent of the Tom Paris who had known too much pain and seen too much horror in his lifetime.

"In short I believe Tom Paris will regain some of his memories if not all, but it's a matter of when. End log."

The End

Well that's it.  After too many months it's done.  I hope it was worth the wait and I would appreciate some feedback.  zappyzaps@hotmail.com


End file.
